Why Canned Parmesan and Crappy Spaghetti Are How I Remember My Mother

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'When my mother died during the pandemic we couldn't gather to say goodbye. So I made a meal I knew would have made her smile.'

, to be clear. This wasn't some sacred Strega Nona cucina rite or anything so precious. This was brute force boil and dump –– shake on a layer of sawdust cheese from a green cardboard can, and jam a fork in to bulldoze down to the bare plate. My god, could she shovel it in: a mound, a hill, a Mont Blanc of boxed pasta and jarred Ragu heaped high and edge to edge on a Corningware dinner plate like a holy intention she'd set for herself to scale.

Death? Unclear, but she's our mom, for goodness sake, and there was no level of acceptable risk. Not in the face of everything else she had to contend with. On a late Thursday afternoon in early August 2020, my mother lay alone in the Covid ward of her nursing home where she'd been moved a couple of days prior. My father and sister who live close by in South Carolina had been allowed to swaddle themselves in protective gear and visit her regular room while she was still aware enough to see them — a risky move, but she'd been struggling to breathe and we all knew the window was closing. After the positive test, it slammed shut.

 

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