WASHINGTON—Gasping as the first dog galloped across the Rose Garden and launched himself towards the airborne helicopter, White House officials watched in horror Friday as Major Biden pulled Marine One straight out of the sky.
“Oh my god, how did he do that?” said presidential aide Jessica Reedt in the air by his teeth, shook his head wildly, and refused to let go as the aircraft began to sputter, spark, and finally careen towards theboy! Nope, he’s refusing to let anyone get near the wreckage. It’s a shame really, because I honestly thought the training was working. If this doesn’t get him sent back to Delaware, I don’t know what will.
the photoshop on this just sends me
Amen 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 to that
Chopper sic balls, Major will do the rest
Major! Down boy.
People often neglect the 'don’t drag helicopters out of the sky' portion of dog training.
You gotta be careful with these. OANN and Tukkker will take the story and run with it as fact.
Well, at least it’s not the cat.
He’s training to fight the cat. That cat has the strength of a billion lions. He needs to train harder!
This is fucking hilarious.
How long before Faux News or the NY Post report this as real?
Major Biden is to the Onion what Joe Biden used to be to the Onion.
Maybe rethink that cat in the WH
You got a literal LOL outta me on this one.
I'm laughing way too hard at this!🤣
I'm glad The Onion can get back to White House stories that are actually absurd.
Everyone knows dogs can naturally tell when someone is a bad person, it only makes sense for Major to want to bite most government officials. I guarantee he does it again because he's a good boy.
Why nobody is talking about the time major expend in Afghanistan?
Good dog? Right?
Jesus Onion, step up yer game!
major badass
Sorry, Potus We love Major.
But he won’t eat the cat, so all good.
I feel this is an example of typical MSM bias. You only write about Biden's bad dog. Why no stories about Champ? He's a good boy.
that was close
Where have I seen this before?
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Major changes: Biden dog getting prepped for White House arrival of first feline'She's waiting in the wings,' Jill Biden told NBC's 'TODAY' show co-anchor Craig Melvin of the impending arrival of the newest member of the first family. Already enough shit in the White House. Who is the lucky person stuck with another clean up job? Awesome 😎 ♥️ ❤️🇺🇸❤️🇺🇸❤️🇺🇸
Source: NBCNews - 🏆 10. / 86 Read more »
Major Biden receives special training to prepare for new White House catMajor, the Bidens' German Shepherd, has returned to the White House after training following two biting incidents. But he may soon have to adjust to another furry friend. Poor Major so many big changes in his short life. Hopefully he will continue to adjust to this crazy busy life he now lives. He may have been ok at the shelter, however when it is in his territory, could be a different story maybe a muzzle for a little while when they're running free in the house. They were just nips, you fools.
Source: CNN - 🏆 4. / 95 Read more »
Major Biden Promises To Be A Very Good Boy When The New White House Cat ArrivesMajor, a 3-year-old rescue dog adopted by the Biden family in November 2018 from a Delaware animal shelter, has had a somewhat difficult time adjusting to life in the White House.
Source: Refinery29 - 🏆 26. / 68 Read more »
White House Aides Frantically Demand Major Biden Drop Hellfire Missile From MouthWASHINGTON— Chasing the canine around the Rose Garden as he refused to let go of the warhead, frantic White House aides were reportedly demanding Monday that Major Biden drop a Hellfire missile he was carrying in his mouth. “Drop it, Major! Drop it now!” said a sweating, out-of-breath Bruce Reed, White House deputy chief of staff, trying to wrangle the high-explosive, anti-tank missile out of the German shepherd’s jaws as it shook its head, growled, and further sunk its teeth into the armament’s casing. “You’re being a very bad boy right now. Come on, why won’t you drop it?! I’ll give you a treat!” After finally getting Major to release the projectile, the White House sadly determined the Hellfire missile was too chewed-up and drool-covered to sell to Israel.\n Very strong jaws!! It's some kind of caninespiracy! Lies. He's innocent. He was framed! THIS WAS A SETUP.
Source: TheOnion - 🏆 724. / 51 Read more »
Biden administration releases first batch of White House visitor logsThe Biden administration is bringing back the practice of publicly releasing White House visitor logs, breaking from the approach taken under former President Donald Trump. carlquintanilla Kind of like how the media was encouraged to report on the border, and now they're not allowed to. carlquintanilla Hunter and his backers I assume cmerfy If you have to sleeve ball around bringing people into the WH it says much about his MO.
Source: politico - 🏆 381. / 59 Read more »