White House Aides Frantically Demand Major Biden Drop Hellfire Missile From Mouth

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WASHINGTON— Chasing the canine around the Rose Garden as he refused to let go of the warhead, frantic White House aides were reportedly demanding Monday that Major Biden drop a Hellfire missile he was carrying in his mouth. “Drop it, Major! Drop it now!” said a sweating, out-of-breath Bruce Reed, White House deputy chief of staff, trying to wrangle the high-explosive, anti-tank missile out of the German shepherd’s jaws as it shook its head, growled, and further sunk its teeth into the armament’s casing. “You’re being a very bad boy right now. Come on, why won’t you drop it?! I’ll give you a treat!” After finally getting Major to release the projectile, the White House sadly determined the Hellfire missile was too chewed-up and drool-covered to sell to Israel.\n

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WASHINGTON— Chasing the canine around the Rose Garden as he refused to let go of the warhead, frantic White House aides were reportedly demanding Monday that Major Biden drop a Hellfire m

issile he was carrying in his mouth. “Drop it, Major! Drop it now!” said a sweating, out-of-breath Bruce Reed, White House dtaff, trying to wrangle the high-explosive, anti-tank missile out of the German s hepherd’s jaws as it shook its head, growled, and further sunk its teeth into the armament’s casing. “You’re being a very bad boy right now. Come on, why won’t you drop it?! I’ll give you a treat!” After finally gettingissile was too chewed-

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JTMartinolich Dogs need their toys

Is real Hellfire so lightweight

BradleyWhitford Ummm..can he open the briefcase that has the launch codes?

BradleyWhitford Armed to the teeth?

If Major is carrying a Hellfire missile he probably has a damn good reason for doing so. He's a good doggo. 😂

'After finally getting Major to release the projectile, the White House sadly determined the Hellfire missile was too chewed-up and drool-covered to sell to Israel.' Nice. Quoting in case people miss the anti-imperialism subtext.

tìm người đàn ông vui vẻ, hoà đồng, tìm bạn trai đã có gia đình hoặc li di đang có chuyện buồn cần tâm sự và những chuyện thầm kín. nghiêm túc

Too chewed up to sell to Israel. LMAOOOO 😂

nice

They’re not used to it being the family pet shooting off his mouth on the south lawn...... 🤣🤣🤣

Greatest Secret Service Agent ...ever

🤭

😂😂🤣🤣

It’s all fine. After all, Major Biden it’s not his name, but his rank...

Let him keep it. If he has a missile in his mouth it will at least keep him from being able to bite people.

Which version? 11 pound warhead or the ninja shit?

Exactly what kind of training did Major receive while he was away? Is he some kind of super soldier dog now? Watch, next lasers will shoot out of his eyes.

qjurecic Chew toy. Major Biden called it first.

Man. 😌 It's so good to see an Onion headline and know right away its fictional. Just a breath of fresh air after ... The Unpleasantness.

takes after his owner

NickTagliaferro very good stinger there lol

CHAPOTRAPHOUSE

qjurecic Looking for that secret service guy who got away with a nibble beforehand, he could smell the trump on him

'the White House sadly determined the Hellfire missile was too chewed-up and drool-covered to sell to Israel' good boy

He's using his training, protecting his humans. It's only natural.

This is about the new cat isn't it, Major?

SFDukie Major has denied these accusations. When asked about the photo, his only response was 'Fake news. JFK Jr. will avenge me.'

This is slightly different than what I predicted the next Major news story would be

That is what happens when they are bringing a cat to a dog fight.

😂😂😂😂

😆😆😆

He dug it up from under the tennis pavilion, I’m guessing. Good thing he didn’t find any of the bodies Melancholia left out there.

Lies. He's innocent. He was framed! THIS WAS A SETUP.

It's some kind of caninespiracy!

Very strong jaws!!

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