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Tom Brady Awakens From Week-Long Kombucha Bender To Discover He’s A Tampa Bay Buccaneer

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TAMPA BAY—Skeptically looking down at the red jersey laying on the floor beside empty bottles of probiotics, a bleary-eyed Tom Brady woke up from a week-long long kombucha bender Thursday to discover that he signed with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. “Ugh, the last thing I remember was taking that shot of ginger lemon tea,” said Brady, vaguely recalling a conversation about his impending free agency with a juice bar employee who had tried to cut him off after his 8th cold-pressed bottle of pomegranate cleanse kombucha. “How did I get here? And why do I have all these pictures of Bruce Arians on my phone? Shit, I decide to cut loose for one week and look at what happens. I’m never breaking pliability again.” At press time, Brady was working up the courage to call his wife, Gisele Bündchen, and tell her that he had sold their home.

 

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Actually, TomBrady just wanted to join a team that had his initials. So every shirt he wears is a reminder that 'it was made exclusively for him'. In response, TB Buccaneers ownership has changed the team name to the Tampa Pirates.

Hahaah

TrevTompkins

Zach2Greenberg

szenmaster

😂😂 that explains it

LOL!! That got me laughing this morning. Thanks!

It's a strange world we live in...

Nick_at_nite95 SheridanS175

HorsePajamas

chasekelley77

That is some hideous wallpaper in the background.

Tommy Boy is my favorite white guy in the NFL...may start watching Buc's again...Maybe...

jacobpauI

March Madness...

one tiny change, try 'blender-bender' HATE FOOTBALL but love The Onion!

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