Parliamentarian Cuts Minimum Wage From Stimulus Due To Obscure Rule Requiring Poor Citizens To Needlessly Suffer

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\nWASHINGTON—Citing the long-standing practice of maintaining boundaries between the classes, Senate Parliamentarian Elizabeth MacDonough asked Democrats to cut a minimum wage increase from their stimulus package Friday due to an obscure rule requiring poor citizens to needlessly suffer. “Raising the minimum wage would violate an 1834 statue put in place to inflict arbitrary pain on the nation’s most vulnerable groups,” said MacDonough, explaining that the rule was used as precedent to stop the 95th Congress from increasing the minimum wage to $2.50 in 1977. “There’s only one interpretation of this rule as it clearly states that providing relief for impoverished Americans is not to be included in any budgetary legislation. These policies exist for a reason. Punishing the lower class is a non-partisan issue. There’s no need to be frustrated with either party—take up your gripes with the Andrew Jackson administration and the 23rd United States Congress.” At press time, the stimulus package was in limbo while the Senate Parliamentarian determined if it was within the country’s purview to help the unemployed.

WASHINGTON—Citing the long-standing practice of maintaining boundaries between the classes, Senate Parliamentarian Elizabeth MacDonough asked Democrats to cut a minimum wage increase from their stimulus package Friday due to an obscure rule requiring poor citizens to needlessly suffer.

“Raising the minimum wage would violate an 1834 statue put in place to inflict arbitrary pain on the nation’s most vulnerable groups,” said MacDonough, explaining that the rule was used as precedent to stop the 95th Congress from increasing the minimum wage to $2.50 in 1977. “There’s only one interpretation of this rule as it clearly states that providing relief for impoverished Americans is not to be included in any budgetary legislation. These policies exist for a reason.

 

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I thought was supposed to be a fake news site

Names it “The Mother Teresa” bill

Seems fair and logical

TheresaSchroe14 Where's the lie?

Wanna pay 25 bucks for a McDonald’s meal? Let’s go for that 15/ minimum wage then!!

Whoever's running the onion should run for office.

fredric_wertham Kamala Harris can, and must, overrule the Senate parliamentarian.

JohnFGresham That the Vice President could have dismissed. VP Harris could have overridden the parliamentarian ruling without any fight. Waived her hand and the $15/hour stil-not-a-living-wage increase would have been done with. They are intentionally failing to help us poors.

TheEpicDept That's not sarcasm. They want poor people to die.

i thought the onion was a vegetable

Hey they had to find a way to remain capitalist pigs.

Phew! I'm glad they caught that. Hate to see the poor buy the good toilet paper on account of the fact that I like it too.

Our daily events have caught up and surpassed satire. Onion is going to become a reputable news service now.

MercurialMiss BidenInsultBot

It's not an obscure rule.

Y’all are fantastic but they can take another vote. Frankly that legislation is so significant it deserves to be its own separate bill.

That’s a violation of title 2 of the United States Code of laws & the 8th amendment of the bill of rights

Almost positive “poor citizens must suffer” is a constitutional amendment actually

RancidPotato From now on, The Onion is the newspaper of record.

9 out 10 Parliamentarians want to do this to the minimum wage: Tear the Roof off the Motha Sucker.

how do you feel about shrek comparing himself to you?

Oop, I thought y’all was supposed to be satire? Y’all dropping the ball.

This would be funny if it was completely untrue.

Poor people is too political correct Everybody knows they're not people. Eww, Yucky, etc.

I thought the onion was satire😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣😂😂😂😂🤣😭😂😂🤣😭😂😂😭😭😭😂😂🤣😂😂😭

Obscure?

i tHoUgHt tHe oNiOn wAs SaTiRe

This is not satire

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Overrule Senate parliamentarian on $15 minimum wage, progressives sayThe Senate parliamentarian ruled that boosting the minimum wage did not meet budget rules that would have avoided the filibuster. 'those who think the current $7.25 federal minimum wage is “acceptable” should be “forced to live and work on that wage so they can demonstrate to the rest of us how it’s possible to get by.' Or get the stimulus to the people who need it and fight this other battle tomorrow. Only if the Dems are in majority. If GOP in majority, no problem. Go right ahead and MoscowMitch could do anything he wanted. But DNC SenSchumer will play 'nice'? By the way ExpelHawleyandCruz
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Senate Parliamentarian Rules Against $15 Minimum Wage In COVID-19 BillSenate parliamentarian rules against $15 minimum wage in COVID-19 bill Guessing the parliamentarian is a republican. 👏🏼 Good
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$15 minimum wage not allowed in Biden's Covid relief bill, Senate official saysDems cannot include a $15/hour minimum wage in their $1.9 trillion coronavirus relief package. ylanmui has the reaction from Capitol Hill. ylanmui Again, the Republicans set the precedent back in 2001 - fire the parliamentarian and pass it anyway. And end the filibuster while you're at it. ylanmui Not to state the obvious, but that $15.00 bit of optics was not even in the same galaxy as the Covid Relief bill -think chicken gravy on chocolate ice cream as a Sundae. There will be a Labor bill this year. That's the time for it...or it could run as a stand-alone😀 ylanmui Yeah! Screw the poor! Keep them Poor! F...U.
Source: CNBC - 🏆 12. / 72 Read more »

$15 Minimum-Wage Setback Tests Biden’s Ability to Unite DemocratsA setback for Democrats in the Senate in their effort to raise the federal minimum wage as part of Covid-19 relief is pushing the party to look for other ways to deliver on one of President Biden’s core campaign promises You mean he’s looking for ways to avoid his promise They just need to focus on covid first then work on the rest My goal was never to be part of adverse campaign promises, so whatever that is, absurd
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Senate parliamentarian rules against including minimum wage in Covid relief billThe Senate parliamentarian has ruled against including the increase in the minimum wage in the Covid relief bill, an aide familiar with the process and two sources with direct knowledge of the situation tell CNN. No raise for you!! Woohoo!! Keep this in mind for 2022. Your $2,000 checks just paid to bomb Syria.
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