Here’s an edited transcript of this week’s chat.Good morning! As always, I hope you had a great weekend. And if you had a bad one , let’s try to figure out how to make it better.I love my daughter-in-law. She’s the best thing to ever happen to my family—she’s sweet, caring, funny, compassionate, and always there. She and my son got together at age 21, and her family had passed away the year before, so we really took her in.
Four years later, our son is still cut off from our money. But our daughter-in-law and grandsons are still living with us. We have an eight-bedroom house and it is just the two of us, and we appreciate all that our daughter-in-law does around the house—instead of paying rent, she helps us with the cooking and cleaning . She’s doing very well for herself now; she is working as an art teacher and our grandsons are doing very well, and it is a delight to have them around every day.
My son recently rang me and said they have had a change of heart—if we invest $100,000 in a savings account for our new granddaughter, to prove we will support her just like we do with our other grandchildren.Of course I want to help my granddaughter, but when I said I would put the money in a private trust for her once she turned 21, my son said no, he wants the money now to invest in a house and says it is for his child.
My husband is over this and just wants to give him the money as he wants to see his only granddaughter , but I disagree with my husband in this and think we need to stay firm. So do we provide the money to see our granddaughter or continue the tough financial love? Part of me is worried we’ll give him the money, he’ll keep his promise of visits for a year or so, but then cut us off again when he needs something else. I’m so conflicted as I do want to be a part of my granddaughter’s life. What should we do? Is there any chance there is a third option we aren’t thinking of?This is so hard, and in some ways even harder because money isn’t an issue for you.
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