Woman Wishes Husband Was Still Alive To Help Her Bury His Body In Garden

WALTHAM, MA—Reminiscing wistfully about her departed spouse, local woman Helen Calkins reportedly wished Monday that her husband was still alive to help her bury his body in their garden.

“Oh,so it would have been a real pleasure for him to dig a shallow grave to dispose of his corpse,” said Calkins, confirming that her longtime partner’s expertise with yard tools would have made him particularly well-suited to using a chainsaw to hack his cadaver into tiny pieces.

I suspect, if the occupation of Frank's wife, Helen Calkins, is a butcher.

someone out in this world thinks these reports are real lmfao

Lord_Kristine

This is why it pays to plan ahead…🤭

Just go down to Home Depot.

Reddit 2 sentence horror stories in a nutshell

😂

Cc bank security Cc nft web3

DonaldGoldKY See she should've cremated him🤣🤣🤣

Wife: I wanna plant flowers on your grave Husband: 'Over my dead body!'

“He always was a tool.”

Guess he wasn't good-for-nothin' after all.

Rookie mistake.

So, not that feminist at the end of night,am I right?!!

LegoMan713 Carole Baskin is that you?

Gotta make them dig first

Use sulfuric acid, then you have about twenty pounds of bones.

Several bags of mulch, and a nice cover planting of bugleweed.

Ironic timing. This was Minneapolis Star Tribune today. The person in the stock photo looks like a 20 year older version of the woman in the real story.

And this is why they don’t just let anyone be a mob enforcer. Gotta plan ahead for things like this.

Bet she owns a English Bulldog

Wouldn't that be nice if that's how it worked

..looks like..it’s time to start that composting bin that yer always talkin about..

Sure, burying a body is a lot of work but just think how good those Summer tomatoes are going to taste. Yum.

Damnit. I laughed.

I'm actually glad that the Onion survived the Trump years. Now that there has been a divergence between national news and hilariously stupid news.

hahhaha

He does the digging. She does the cleaning. Talk about a marriage made in heaven.

Rookie mistake. Have them dig it themselves. Lesson for next time.

+2 points for the picture.

Another reason I do cardo and lift

Proper planning would have included him pre-digging his own grave.

Is this phoebe_bridgers

Yeah, like he’d get off his ass and lift a finger. 🙄🙄🙄🙄

'Well? He always did love working in the garden.'

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