Dear Care and Feeding: A Chasm Is Growing Between My Teen and Me. What Can I Do to Close It?

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My son is Black, and I am white. He insists that I can’t relate to him because I’ll never understand what he goes through. It makes me so sad.

I am an almost 40-year-old, well-educated white male. When I was a teenager in a southern state, my Black girlfriend—also a teenager—and I had a child. Our relationship didn’t last, but I’ve been present in my son’s life, taking him for most vacations, including summer and holidays. His mother understandably moved to a more Black city to raise him amongst people who look like him, but she never married and he remains, for both of us, our only child.

How do I handle this? How much of this is normal teenage rebellion against one’s parents? Should I try to help him avoid potential mistakes, or just make it clear that I’m here if he needs me?I think you’re missing the point. Your son is rightfully angry . He is figuring out enormously important things and questioning things you take for granted.

 

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You can’t and you are showing why by making it about yourself.

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