Have you ever come home at the end of a day too worn out to cook or even order dinner, and fallen asleep with your clothes on? That point of being too tapped out to better your own condition is known as"resource depletion." It's part of a theory called"conservation of resources," a way of thinking about stress, trauma and burnout that has become increasingly influential since psychologist Stevan Hobfoll introduced it in 1989.
Sandra is a 42-year-old attorney coming home from a night on the town with colleagues celebrating a big win in court. She is divorced with no children and earns a six-figure salary with excellent health benefits. Energies, such as the time to spend maintaining one's health, relationships, and possessions; good credit; continuing education and training; practical help at work and home.
Stress, in Hobfoll's analysis, is defined as anything threatening or entailing a net loss of resources. A sufficient series of negative events can do damage to even the most robust personal resource portfolio. This is when a person enters the state of resource depletion—a Hungry Night that lasts forever. A person can become globally depleted, to the point where they have no resources whatsoever to sustain themselves, or depleted across any particular range of resources .
Give only what you can. Do not bankrupt yourself for others. This is a frequently made point—"put on your own mask before helping others." With its emphasis on the rapidly accelerating nature of loss cycles, however, COR provides an even clearer perspective on why depleting yourself for other people is unsustainable and harmful to everyone in the long run.
When friends, family or colleagues are expressing these emotions, listen for what loss is behind it. Acknowledge, validate and sympathize with the emotions. Seek to understand the nature of the loss. Is there some aspect of it you can offset? Don't extract a sympathy tax. Sometimes people sustain losses that you cannot offset. When this happens, it is natural to feel frustrated and powerless. These feelings are yours to deal with.
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