Owing to a recent oil-refinery spill soiling the natural beauty in every direction, we are cautioning all beings comprised of at least twenty per cent water to avoid exposure to the ocean. Noxious gas and a mesmerizing sheen will lure unsuspecting sailors to their watery graves. Advisory in effect until Sunday.
Public-health officials and the Beach Advisory Committee have confirmed one case of two swimmers canoodling by moonlight in Shark’s Buffet Bay. Advisory in effect until all body parts have been collected, or Tuesday.-19-positive surfer coughing in a pelican’s face to “own it.” Pelican is in quarantine. Advisory in effect until we deserve nice things again.
More rain? Are you sure? I guess don’t go in the water, ’cause anything gross you saw outside yesterday that isn’t there today is in a seagull’s mouth right now. Advisory in effect until the water doesn’t leave mucousy sludge on your skin. Owing to recent rain and its welcome saturation of the arid land but alarming effects of washout and drainage emptying into the ocean—which are likely to temporarily or permanently contaminate the water, but at least it’s not like we drink that stuff—we advise that you limit excess water flow in the home and think about the precious resources we have, not just for ourselves but for future generations. Advisory in effect until potable water runs out, or 2032—ha ha, just kidding. . . .
Owing to a recent evaporation of potable water, we are advising all residents to drink ocean water. But with an abundance of caution, as it is likely contaminated and all contact will have nineteen-eighties horror-movie effects on the human body. Advisory in effect until the end of human existence.I’ll have kids in a few years, when I’m successful and wealthy and my life is
We have summarized this news so that you can read it quickly. If you are interested in the news, you can read the full text here. Read more:
United States Latest News, United States Headlines
Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.
Salt Lake County officials issue COVID-19 advisory as transmission rates spikeSalt Lake County officials issued a public health advisory Tuesday, urging residents to take more stringent coronavirus precautions this month as local COVID-19 transmission rates spike to levels not seen since November 2020. 😂 😂 lol Amazing a total circus
Source: sltrib - 🏆 316. / 61 Read more »
Health officials say staffing a ‘major challenge’ at Santa Clara County hospitalsCommunities across the Bay Area are seeing an uptick in positive COVID-19 cases and subsequently more hospitalizations. But the percentage of positive cases being hospitalized is much lower than pr… Just maybe sliccardo GavinNewsom we shouldn’t have forced first responders to get vaccinated? No mention of this… nbcbayarea KPIXtv abc7newsbayarea
Source: mercnews - 🏆 88. / 68 Read more »
Cuyahoga County Prosecutor’s Office receives $700,000 grant from Justice Department to combat gun violenceThe Cuyahoga County Prosecutors Office will receive a $700,000 grant from the Department of Justice in an effort to combat gun violence after another deadly year of violence in Cleveland and in the county's suburbs. Pinoyadjacent32 How exactly will thousands of dollars combat crime? You gonna throw dollar bills at bandits asswipes? 🖤 Pinoyadjacent32 More money for prosecutors office to steal! 🖤 Easier way Cuyahoga county can combat gun violence…. Don’t give armed robbers probation and allow them to continue to commit crime
Source: clevelanddotcom - 🏆 301. / 63 Read more »
Cook County health officials amend new COVID vaccine mandate, allowing some exemptionsJust one day after a new COVID mitigation order took effect in Chicago and Cook County, county health officials amend the rule to allow for some exemptions. Cook county basically telling u go to Indiana for food -gas-etc bc we tax you to death and now don’t let you in 🤡
Source: ABC7Chicago - 🏆 284. / 63 Read more »
Employees in LA County must wear medical-grade masks, health officials sayEmployees in Los Angeles County who work indoors alongside others will be required to wear medical-grade masks starting Jan. 17, according to a new county health order. Should have been mandated since the start or better yet closed up travel so no one in us would have gotten it. Yall really not going to be able to Breathe They should lock those unvaccinated the will be the solution
Source: ABC7 - 🏆 67. / 68 Read more »
Cuyahoga County Common Pleas Jury Trials On Pause Until February Due to Local Covid SurgeCuyahoga County Common Pleas Court judges yesterday voted to postpone all jury trials until at least Feb. 4 due to surging Covid cases in the...
Source: ClevelandScene - 🏆 383. / 55 Read more »