'We managed one healthy pregnancy and one healthy baby and it feels like we’re pushing our luck.'
One woman shares her joy and fear about being pregnant again after five miscarriages.
, both there then not. I made a last-minute speech at a charity fundraiser, sobbing my way through as I urgently needed to explain, again, the lowest points to my family and friends, how I feared it was a rock I couldn’t crawl out from under.“Despite the first printed picture, the first heartbeat over a speaker, the first jumping bean baby, we remained terrified”
Not long after that, number six. We were exhausted. And I realised I was angry. Why did we do this again, we cried to each other, what was the point? This, we said, should be the last time. No more. Fortnightly scans revealed a growing grey smudge, but we could take no heart from that heartbeat, trying its best. We’d been there before. We held hands through our very first 12-week scan in complete silence. After, the sonographer was shocked to hear what we’d been through. “But you were so calm, I was thinking you were the most chilled couple I’d seen all week!” We nodded. Not chilled, terrified.
And despite the first printed picture, the first heartbeat over a speaker, the first jumping bean baby, we remained terrified.Pregnant after miscarriage:"The pain, fear, anxiety, guilt? It doesn’t go away."We tentatively started to relax. Until the morning I had stomach pain and within minutes, the gossamer-fine veil making us look like any other expectant couple was shed. I cried on the phone on the way to the hospital. Once again we silently hung on to each other waiting for the nurse to find the heartbeat. It took forever. It took long enough for us to look at each other and shake our heads slightly, to flash through how it was going to be from there on in.
That pregnancy, we were the lucky ones. But the pain, fear, anxiety, guilt? It doesn’t go away. A healthy pregnancy, a healthy scan, a milestone passed. It doesn’t go away. And I know it’s not just us: recently, I joined a support group for pregnancy after loss, to sit among those feeling the same and to offer my support. It’s clear that no matter whether one miscarriage or multiple losses, a couple of months ago or a decade previous, with five children between or none, these feelings can’t be magically erased.
It’s not because we’re not excited or hopeful. It’s because we are, and we’re holding our breath.“We managed one healthy pregnancy and one healthy baby and it feels like we’re pushing our luck”It all comes rushing back. The freak-out over an accidental unpasteurised ice cream or
waking up on your back, the uncontrollable anxiety leading up to lying on a bed with crinkly paper tucked in your waistband in the same room where someone told you “I’m sorry, there’s no heartbeat”, sometimes again and again and again. I’m sorry, it’s gone, I’m sorry, there’s nothing there, I’m sorry.
It was a big decision to try for another. We managed one healthy pregnancy and one healthy baby and it feels like we’re pushing our luck. It feels like shifting ground, this one; unsafe, unsteady, a swinging bridge with rotten planks. We’re asking too much, surely. But here we are. I am pregnant.
Those with kind intentions tell us to think positively, to forget the past and look ahead and enjoy it, to look at our child and feel confident that the worst is over. Those with perhaps not-so-kind intentions, we suspect, think us melodramatic, oversensitive, wallowing, despite our efforts to help ourselves and others by being honest about our grief.
“It’s hard to enjoy a pregnancy while checking for blood every single time you go to the toilet”Those people, who do or don’t realise the damage of their words, drive the secrecy and exacerbate the pain of baby loss. They are our worries made flesh: “I should be over it.”
But we shall continue to be honest.It’s hard to enjoy a pregnancy while checking for blood every single time you go to the toilet. When obsessively worrying your symptoms have eased, or that twinge felt like it did the time it went wrong.Pregnant after miscarriage:"I am pregnant again, and scared."
I suffered a miscarriage before I got pregnant with my daughter. I couldn't even enjoy being pregnant with her, I had constant high blood pressure with every dr appointment 'cause I was so scared. I had anxiety the entire time I was prgnant. She is a happy and healthy 3 1/2 now.
‘One-man crimewave’ murdered London shopkeeper for just £100Alex Gunn left 'warm and loving father and husband' to die on shop floor Minimum 30 year life tariff please. You will be surprised how much crime rates drop on certain crimes drop ask West Yorkshire how crime in South Elmsall and sourounding area dropped when connor walker the first person in the 🇬🇧 to be sprayed with DNA Smartwater was caught looking more american all the time over there
Brexit talks are continuing for one reason only - and it's not to get a dealThe chance of a deal being struck between Britain and the European Union now seems extremely remote. Angela Berkel has all but admitted to wanting the UK annexed yet they don't want to be blamed for a no deal 🙄 Over the past couple of years i have started to categorise people that work in mainstream media, MPs, terrorists and paedophiles as the same character type; disgusted by the lot of them biasedmedia corruptmedia corruptgovernment. UKParliament Brexit
Fiona Bruce reveals the one Brexit excuse Question Time audience hate politicians usingFIONA BRUCE took over hosting duties on Question Time earlier this year after long-time presenter David Dimbleby stepped down. Now, the newsreader has broken her silence on Brexit and revealed the excuse Question Time audiences hate to hear from guests. CONSIDER this, if you could save $2000 each year on fuel and help the planet, would you?
E-cigarette 'smoke' gave nearly one in four mice lung cancerFor a year, researchers at New York University exposed 40 mice to e-cigarette vapor. Nine of them developed lung cancer - but the animals exposed to nicotine-free 'smoke' did not. Actually DO SOMETHING to save the planet and save $2000 a year on gas with this e-bike! That’s cold making mice 🐁 vap! It shouldn't be surprising that inhaled smoke is harmful to the lungs!
Online, no one knows you're poorShauna James Ahern used to make her living by writing about food online. But when times got tough, she realised keeping up with appearances can only make you lose sight of life’s meaning Ditch your car, YOU could save $2000 each year on fuel and help the planet with this e-bike! Lol I work retail right now & can confirm that not a single one of those insights are at all novel if you work my job. Poor people like work with their hands opening like boxes and stuff.
EuroMillions: one winner scoops £170m in biggest ever UK lottery winPlayers are being urged to check their tickets after the record-breaking jackpot had rolled over five times. How i wish I could just get a 5000 Euro off my life will change for good. Congrats Let's take back control and not take those money .. They can pay for Brexit. 😂😂