We all want to cut out the bad parts of ourselves. It won’t work, and it won’t make us happier

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Trauma, vulnerability, dependency … like it or not, we can’t just wish them away

hen I was a little girl, I cried a lot. I used to wish ferociously that I was not such a crybaby. I remember the shame so well. Sitting on my bed on a Sunday evening, hot-cheeked and furious with my tears, holding on to the thought that when I was a grownup, I would never cry. I would be a strong, confident and capable woman, and I would never again feel like a sobbing little girl who doesn’t want to go to school tomorrow and just wants to stay with her mum.

It could be a vulnerability that a person thinks of as a weakness to be outgrown, like me and my crybaby. It could be a traumatic experience or experiences, like a car accident or abuse, that they wish had never happened We are always finding the infant, the young child, the adolescent in patients. Like circles in a tree trunk, they’re all there

 

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