When Self-Care Feels Wrong, What Is Right?

Numbing Ourselves vs. Engaging

Perhaps, instead, the answer can be found in understanding the crucial difference between numbing ourselves versus engaging. Between hiding and bearing witness. The people of Ukraine absolutely deserve for us to bear witness, to resist the urge to choose the easier path and turn away because it’s more comfortable or convenient.

We must still get sleep, put on clothes, pay our electric bill, and walk our dog. In truth, these are all forms of the maligned “self-care.” So pretending that we can’t or shouldn’t attend to our need for it is a copout. Instead, we must balance those needs with compassion, engagement, and action.

It is up to us to bear witness and stay strong enough to keep going. It’s not an either/or proposition. If we want to continue to live out our values and be agents for change, we have a better shot at that if we don’t burn ourselves out. Everyone has different parameters for this—for when we need to turn off, or take a pause, or eat that dessert—and that’s not wrong.

Refusing to put basic limits in place for our mental health, or continuing to deny ourselves joy in dark times, will likely—eventually—desensitize ourselves to others’ suffering, hardening us and closing ourselves off to connection. It risks robbing us of the very compassion andJoy and pain have always been able to coexist. They are as intricately interwoven as

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