What We Lost When We Lost Our Wedding

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'It was just a dress and the wedding was just a silly party. So why was I still so upset?'

reported that by April, 64% of 2020 weddings in the United Kingdom had been either canceled or postponed, costing the country’s wedding industry around £87.5 billion.These massive numbers overshadow the individuals who make the industry function, many of whom have come damn near to losing their livelihoods due to the global pandemic.

On the other side of the proverbial DJ booth stand the couples who made the responsible choice to not have their weddings despite the emotional and financial cost, like Daniela Espinel, also of New York, who was scheduled to get married September 5, 2020, in Colombia. “We canceled our wedding the last week of April,” she said in an email to Jezebel.

Like Rivera, Espinel was staring down the barrel of a $10,000 loss but got lucky when her vendors agreed to delay the wedding until May of 2021 if Espinel agreed to pay some extra fees. But with 2020 winding down and no end to the virus in sight, Espinel finds herself in the same position. “We might have to postpone again,” she said. Espinel, too, says her would-be wedding date was a particularly sad one for her and her partner, compounded by the unworn wedding dress hanging in her closet.

It’s hard to quantify the emotional loss of a canceled wedding. There’s no price to put on some of the moments that I’ll never have. Walking down the aisle with my mother–two women who’ve been on their own since 2000—and accepting a man into our circle for the first time. Having the Fatihah recited over me and my husband, sealing our interfaith union before God.

It’s impossible to navigate mourning something that never happened; it’s hard to mourn what’s considered a first world problem. I still don’t know if it’s okay to be sad about my wedding but the feeling remains, as does the guilt over having the feeling at all.

 

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jezebel I have written for you before on weddings and I would really like the chance to respond to this article on your site. On behalf of the wedding industry this article deserves a response. It paints small business owners as monsters and displays absolutely no empathy.

And why is writing about it?

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