What's a recession? It depends on whom you ask — an economist or a fishmonger.

Economist enters. Shot of pages flying off a calendar or clock hands turning or some other metaphor for time passing that Gen Z will roll eyes at.Good morning! I need something for my sweet tooth. I’d like a pound of jellyfish, please.But they are edible. Just because they gross you out doesn’t mean I don’t like them. They are a great delicacy.The owner of this place is a marine biologist who’s a stickler for scientific classifications. She sells only true fish in this shop.

My kid came home crying the other day because her teacher said Pluto isn’t a planet anymore. I called the school to complain and asked for Miss Johnson, only to be told it’s Ms. Johnson! I tried to book a trip to Constantinople last week and I was told it’s now called Istanbul! I’d say “What is the world coming to?” but I’m afraid that if I use the word “world” I’ll offend Pluto!Don’t worry about Pluto. It’ll be fine whatever we call it. But I told you: We don’t sell jellyfish.That’s all right.

Rex Nutting is a columnist for MarketWatch who has been writing about the economy for more than 25 years. He’s keeping his day job.Everything you need to know about the economic recession that we are definitely not in right now

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