“There Are So Many Different Examples of What a Family Looks Like”

is a series of personal reflections from queer American designers, released every day this month.

I was out to my friends from when I was 16. And I knew from pretty early on. Seth [Altuzarra’s husband] and I were talking about this recently: I never had this feeling that I didn't want to be gay—I was always very happy with it. I was more worried about my family. I didn't know gay people when I came out—no one else in high school was out.

When I was in college I was dating someone, and my mom came to visit me and she met him, and she really liked him, and so I decided to tell her when I came home for the summer after my freshman year. I sat her down in my bedroom and told her I needed to tell her something. And she definitely knew—I've never talked to her about this, but I felt she knew what I was going to tell her. I think she knew that this day was coming, and she was very supportive, very loving and embracing.

I didn't tell my dad for another year. When I was in college, I had a female roommate—we were some of the first co-ed roommates in America. Newspapers came to school to interview us about this, and TV shows were calling, and theran a story about this trend—and in the piece, they asked me whether I was gay. And I said that I was, and I hadn't told my dad yet. So I wrote to him, and he wrote me this really, really lovely letter back.

Getting married was always something I wanted, and I feel incredibly lucky that I was able to have that, because all of my queer elders came before me and did all the work. I loved our wedding, and I loved everything that it symbolized—but what made me the most happy was that it was not a very political act by that point.

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