Lin-Manuel Miranda’s directorial debutis an adaptation of a one-man show written by Jonathan Larson, also known for writing the hit Broadway showtick, tick… BOOM!
until I was in college. As an undergrad with hazy dreams of writing professionally, I particularly enjoyed the idea of wandering around and debating what I should spend my life doing. It felt heroic and noble when Larson decides to dedicate his life to his art. But I didn’t really understand the frantic distress that Larson spends most of the show feeling, not until this year.
Throughout the film, there’s a push and pull between choosing art and “selling out,” as Jonathan’s best friend Michael has quit his acting career for a well-paid marketing job. As Michael moves out of his and Jonathan’s terrible walk-up apartment and into a high-rise on the East Side, the pair sing praises to the beauty of modern conveniences like dishwashers and floors without holes in them.
In that way, creating art can be a selfless act too. My life was changed because I was introduced to Jonathan Larson’s work at an early age.was the first time I heard the word “bisexual.” It was likely my first introduction to any form of queerness in any way, and it was a positive one. It gave me the confidence of knowing that there was nothing wrong with queerness, even as I attended a very conservative Christian school throughout my childhood.
Michael replies to Jonathan that he isn’t running out of time. Michael is. He’s HIV positive, and he hasn’t felt able to tell Jonathan until now because Jonathan’s been so tied up with the workshop. After they part, Larson begins running through Central Park, only to stop at the Delacorte when he comes across a piano covered in a dust cloth. He sweeps the dust cloth off and sits down.
I’m not saying making art is easy or sustainable or that persistence or quality will always win out . External validation, support—money—are all real things and often very necessary things that can keep people from pursuing writing, especially people who are marginalized and historically underrepresented in these fields. There are still injustices to fight against. Unfairness, illness and exploitation. But the exterior product, the fame, the Broadway marquee are not why Jonathan writes music.
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