Big or small, mistakes are a fact of life. Sometimes they're as minor as forgetting a lunch date. And others, like forgetting your anniversary or lashing out at a loved one are arguably harder to forgive. That's because hurting someone, whether it's intentional or not, can lead to lasting, even irreparable damage in a relationship. That's where heartfelt apologies come in. “We all hurt other people just as we’re hurt by them.
According to Lerner, a good example of an apology goes like this: “I’m really sorry about what I said at the party last night. It was insensitive and uncalled for.” It isn't a good apology if you shift the focus to the other person’s feelings or response. For example, “I’m sorry that you felt hurt by what I said at the party last night.” The kind of apology doesn’t work because there’s no accountability or ownership of the action. Instead, it puts it on the injured party.
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