Study: Average Father Thinks About Sealing In Meat’s Juices 4 To 5 Hours A Day

📆 3/27/2020 10:36 PM
📰 TheOnion

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VILLANOVA, PA—Confirming that it is the single most frequent thought on fathers’ minds, a study released Monday by researchers at Villanova University found that the average dad thinks about sealing in meat’s juices between four and five hours per day. “Our research indicates that the typical dad thinks about sealing the juices into steaks, burgers, chops, and other meats hundreds of times over a typical 24-hour period,” lead researcher Marissa Gerard said of the study, which tracked how often fathers in their 40s pondered bringing a grill to high heat, searing the surface of a steak, and then pulling it off at just the right time to retain a juicy red color inside. “Whether a father is at work, at home, or already marinating another meat, roughly every six seconds on average, his mind starts drifting to thoughts of using charcoal or gas flames to create an evenly browned surface on a cut of meat that traps the juices inside. In a lifetime, he might spend 15 years thinking about how to prevent those juices from escaping.” The study also found that a significant number of test subjects reported spending up to eight additional hours per day thinking about getting those perfect diagonal grill marks.

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Only on days when planning to grill the meats!

And carbs the other 20? heyoooooo

Jerrymcd is this about you?

💯

ryanmtweets

ericstephen Joe_Davis

Serendipitous tweets:

I don't think that term means the same to everybody😋

MNelson_ISU

. Well an average father does have an average IQ

TLCplMax binderdonethat

kjbdawg

Goddamn right I do

Trying to hold in my meat juices every time I see his wife.

I mean now I am too

NickatFP Natey_Light17

I used to think you were funny occasionally.

jacehirschi MasterGastronom

Meat juice is what made him a father.

so no more parody and satire just the facts now....OK

Good because they need to be thinking dad

Not in the winter, unless the father is migratory.

Uughhh disgusting

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