Head Topics

School Of The Arts Aims To Transform Boys And Girls Into Insufferable Young Men And Women

  • 📰 TheOnion
  • ⏱ Reading Time:
  • 1 sec. here
  • 2 min. at publisher
  • 📊 Quality Score:
  • News: 4%
  • Publisher: 51%

United States Headlines News

United States Latest News,United States Headlines

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting that its incoming class of high school freshmen is their most coddled to date, instructors at Chestnut Ridge Academy for the Arts told an education conference this week that its mission is to take bright, precocious boys and girls and transform them into insufferable young adults. “Here at Chestnut Ridge, we are dedicated to providing artistically gifted young people with the resources they need to blossom into entitled, condescending men and women with an inflated sense of self-importance and accomplishment,” Principal Madeleine Healey told conference attendees, noting that the school has already graduated thousands of budding young narcissists with zero sense of shame or perspective. “Of course, many of our students are already immensely smug and self-satisfied when they arrive. But after years of only talking about themselves and receiving undeserved praise from everyone around them, they’ll leave our doors more pompous and unbearable than we ever thought possible.” Healey added that anyone skeptical about the merits of an arts education should examine the school’s track record, as their alumni have gone on to have completely bullshit careers in the arts all over the world.

 

Thank you for your comment. Your comment will be published after being reviewed.
Please try again later.

A very useful trait to have for the unsuccessful. I warms my heart to see that there is still such a good education.

Did you just assume their gender?

They already have a course for adults, right?

HighStrungLoner

That's what most art students are lol

Another Blast from the Past circa 2013. Good job keeping it fresh The Onion Bot!

I’M EXPRESSING MYSELF

What happened to the horoscopes though?

Actually, any 'higher education' school

🤬

😓 at last!

You’ve been on fire recently

We have summarized this news so that you can read it quickly. If you are interested in the news, you can read the full text here. Read more:

 /  🏆 724. in US

United States Latest News, United States Headlines

Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.

In new program, Patrisse Cullors will help artists find “the language of protest” - Women’s Media CenterThe Black Lives Matter co-founder is directing a new program for artists that connects creativity and activism. OsopePatrisse Good for her arts
Source: womensmediacntr - 🏆 397. / 53 Read more »

In Mexican capital, red shoes to protest killings of womenActivists have set hundreds of pairs of painted-red women’s shoes on Mexico City's main square to call attention to the killings of women and girls across the country. Did they celebrate with a pizza party? How are they able to getaway with doing this? So unspeakably horrible!
Source: ABC - 🏆 471. / 51 Read more »

The Best Travel Shoes, According to GlobetrottersComfortable enough for the plane, polished enough to wear to a restaurant afterward
Source: NYMag - 🏆 111. / 63 Read more »

After a 6-year-old finished chemotherapy, his classmates welcomed him back with a standing ovationA 6-year-old boy who has been battling cancer got a surprise standing ovation from his classmates when he returned to school after finishing his last round of chemotherapy. Congratulations! boy. :P nice attitude 😱😱😱😱
Source: CNN - 🏆 4. / 95 Read more »

Boy's good deed goes rewarded after returning $900 to elderly womanA 10-year-old boy who stumbled upon a cash-filled envelope in Target has learned a valuable lesson in integrity and empathy after insisting on returning the money to the elderly woman who lost it. Parisa Dudley and her 10-year-old son Foster were at a Target in Hoover, Alabama last weekend when Foster
Source: YahooNews - 🏆 380. / 59 Read more »

America’s Boyfriend Paul Rudd Faces Off Against Himself on NetflixPaul Rudd is BUST's Winter 2020 Boy Du Jour. He talks about dad jokes, his career, and women running the country.
Source: bust_magazine - 🏆 151. / 63 Read more »