Rock Apparently Factors Into Girlfriend’s Shower Routine

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SEATTLE—Saying he was confused about the full extent of its purpose as well as its overall benefit, local man Jacob Ferris, 25, nonetheless surmised today that the oblong rock located in girlfriend Sarah Milstein’s shower caddy must somehow factor into her bathing routine, sources confirmed.

Ferris added that all attempts to incorporate the rock into his own shower routine have ultimately been unsuccessful.

“I tried rubbing it on my skin once, and it hurt,” Ferris said, concluding that pouring soap and water directly onto the rock neither made it softer nor easier on his skin. “I could maybe see how it could get some dirt off of your body, but it seems too painful to work. Her skin usually looks nice though, so maybe I’m wrong.”“There is a chance it could be a hair thing,” Ferris continued. “Maybe she rubs the rock in her hair? I don’t know.

Ferris confirmed he has considered numerous reasons for why his girlfriend uses the rock in the shower, including that she has some type of skin condition, that the rock is some sort of weird tradition her family has, or that everyone uses rocks in the shower and he has been out of the loop the entire time.“It could be for cleaning the bathtub,” said Ferris, adding he once suspected the rock was a device for making the bathroom smell nice, but then noticed it had no discernible smell whatsoever.

While Ferris said he is mostly certain that the rock was initially purchased at a home goods store of some kind, he was not able to completely rule out the possibility it was just a rock that his girlfriend found on the ground and decided to put in her shower.

 

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Oh I get it. Parody posting legit articles on April fools

MainMunchie 🫢

Waiting for a tactical exfoliation stone to be marketed to men. Available in black, camo, or gunmetal blue.

That's a stone bruh

I’m girlfriend

Women these days

catttdonnelly

There's no way I can compete with Dwayne Johnson.

Do men really not know what a pumice stone is?

Found it in a dumpster 🔥

How do so many people not know what these are? Are they actually uncommon?

I go to the beach after huge storms to collect these little beauty gifts from nature.

is cawwd a pubics stone. Mrs Kitty is wuses one too. I is twy... it is wips outs my haiw!

rock factors into all of my gfs routines

Gets the calluses off the ol' vagina.

I'm not sure I want my GF thinking of The Rock while showering. But she is her own person so I can't complain if she does.

🤷‍♂️

'Make sure not to forget the lube baby'

'She must be an amateur Geologist,' thought boyfriend looking to regift a geode or two.

Soft feet

LiamWBZ Mine broke & now I only have a piece of thr rock in my shower 😃

my mom has one of those. wtf is that thing.

Gabsterzzzz

Gods sake i have to stop reading rock as 'the rock' because it's never correct, I've been sitting here confused for 3 minutes

Soap works too.

I've run the numbers, took the derivative, & used the Laplace transform to integrate everything across time.... I just figure out a way to make those rocks erocktic.

I ❤️ my shower rock!

What kind of witchcraft foolery is this?

I wanna rock!

Mysteries.

Does she know about the three shells?

It’s probably because of her totally real magic / essential oils / astrology / Geomancy / live laugh love and questioning it will lead to a terrible argument

Rock, Loofa, Lathers

Yes Dwayne Johnson is great for removing dead skin

Lulz, fake satire news can't tell the difference between a stone and a rock.

But what about paper or scissors

Because - even though paper beats rock - shower beats paper.

Was called a pumice stone. Is advanced stuff or a do nothing. Probably advanced.

That's a poumice. You use it to peel off callouses.

I’m hit 😩

Shop Ventures NFT - Startup Oil Entrepreneurship Worldwide Business WEB3 NASA Food cc pmarca startups startupljackson web3 rabois nft DanielleMorrill

do you smell what the shower rock is scrubbing

So did she put another rock in the shower or not?

TheRock this true?

I found teeth marks in mine, from my kid (human type)...

That thing

Is it a bookmark between the 12 bottles of mystery liquids up there?

Emotional support rock

I step on mine, so I can reach the dial.

Gotta keep our tootsies soft in between pedicures…you know in case we happen upon Quentin Tarantino…

This article was pure gold

It beats paper but, let me tell you, your 'rock' will always lose when she has the chance to scissor.

You’re not seeing what I doing while I’m showering. Or can you clearly distinguish my actions from one another by the water’s sounds?

She's just letting her pet rock watch.

Is that not part of everybody's?

Meanwhile, some guys...

Yeah, my wife told me she likes to think about him in the shower. A fine actor.

That might have revealed a bit too much about me.

Exfoliation. Drag your nails across the top of your forearm once. Tell me what happens there. Do it under a bright light. Those stop that from happening.

It's in case she wants to hear music....she rolls it on shower floor.

It's a Yoni egg she puts it up her hoo haw because Gwyneth Paltrow told her so.

Of course!

Kinky

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