Please Stop Asking FKA Twigs—And All Domestic-Abuse Survivors—‘Why Did You Stay?’

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Why do we think it’s appropriate to interrogate survivors of domestic abuse about why they stayed, instead of asking what structural support, material resources, or other forms of help they needed and lacked in order to embolden their own sense of agency?

for sexual battery, assault, and infliction of emotional distress in December—but she provided even more painful detail in the article, attributing her survival to “pure luck.”host Gayle King to further discuss her experience as a survivor of domestic violence. Most of the interview was fairly standard until King made the choice to probe twigs on a deliberately touchy topic: “Nobody who’s been in this position likes this question, and I often wonder if it’s even appropriate to ask...

why didn’t you leave?” The response that twigs gave was polite yet clear and firm: “I’m not going to answer that question anymore because the question should really be to the abuser, ‘Why are you holding someone hostage?’”It’s clear from the phrasing of King’s question that she knew she was heading into murky waters, but the mere fact that she presented it to twigs—even with a qualifier—brings up an important question for us all: Why do we still think it’s appropriate to interrogate survivors...

 

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If it’s to better understand the psychology of people in this situation, and help with choosing a successful method to approach victims, then understanding why they stayed may be helpful. If it’s to place responsibility or guilt back on them, then definitely NO.

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