Pitchers, Catchers Report To Spring Training Bars

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FT. MYERS, FL—MLB pitchers and catchers reported to spring training bars throughout Arizona and Florida Thursday, arriving early to properly loosen up and get back into drinking shape. “Everybody showed up on time to take advantage of the happy hour specials, and I’m confident that we are all ready to pound some brews and start this season off right,” said Red Sox catcher A.J. Pierzynski, polishing off the last of a pitcher of Budweiser. “You always feel a bit rusty picking up women for the first time in four or five months, but once you get good and lit it all starts coming back pretty easily.” Local fans were reportedly excited to see their favorite ballplayers at practices, exhibition games, and passed out on barstools.

 

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in the time tunnel

Do they have a lot of hand pumped ale in Florida these days?

Yea but, women from Florida and Arizona, 😛.

Rough trade is the oldest trade.

The mighty fringe benefits of being a professional pitcher or catcher!

David Ross is not allowed to be seen in anything but Cubs gear from now on.

All except the Astro players as they went to Home Depot or Lowes for new trashcans.

It could only be Boston for this joke

😄😄 Pitchers and catchers. 😂😂

I'm not into sports of any kind, in any dimension. Unless it involves killing things. Then you have my attention.

Love how it’s my home team.

Just too funny

So awful the way spellcheck changes words & murders their meanings: Before Spellhell changed the Onion Headline, it was: “PITCHERS, CATCHERS REPORT TO SPRING TRAINING BRAS”

i couldnt really give much of a flying fuck about baseball any more after the cheating by astros and red sox. astros do that shit for 2 years, team AND staff, yet theyre allowed to keep the ws trophy, prize money & rings. black sox from 1 game lost everything 100yrs ago.

The backyard kids have graduated from juicy juice to Joose

Get that old picture of David Ross off of here

extremely mad that you made me remember the 2014 Red Sox

More like Spring Training Gentlemen's Clubs

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