Panicking Professional Poker Player Suddenly Can’t Remember Whether Ace Is Better Than King

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LAS VEGAS—Feeling completely helpless while staring down at his cards, professional poker player Tony Eggold reportedly began to panic Thursday after suddenly realizing he couldn’t remember whether an ace was better than a king. “Okay, okay focus—I have $147,000 in the pot right now, so I’ve got to figure this out fast,” said Eggold, whose eyes darted anxiously between the two cards as he struggled to decipher whether the ace of hearts in his hand was lower than a king because it’s not a monarch or higher than a king because of alphabetical order. “Someone said deuce is wild at one point, does that factor in at all? Shit. This is not good. Come on, Tony, you’ve been doing this for years. Just think, dammit. It’s got to be either higher or lower. Unless they’re equal? Fuck. Maybe I could just ask someone.” At press time, Eggold was even more frustrated after the player beside him admitted he didn’t know the answer either.

 

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FBI I'm a REAL ANGEL but well you are already investigating

Tbh y’all. This was a miss. But I believe in you. Your streak of infinity minus one headlines that crack my ass up will have to begin anew tomorrow

Should have used flush or full house. Actually happens

The first real excitement this player has felt in some time. Nothing like confusion behind a masked face to make the game new again.

KANE - the fusion

patmcgold idiot poop brain

They are equal

Funnier if they had said Blackjack. 😋

Mental block! 😜

Yes. He doesn't look old enough to be having that problem.

Aces high and so am I

the joker is on him

LOL

I threw away trip kings the other day and feel like a boss. Also, I lost all my money so, a broke boss.

Haha

That depends on the situation. I'd much rather have kings on a board KKQQQ, for example.

Don't smoke weed before hand?

It is. If hes actualy a 'professional' he would know that. Its basic rules

These days the queen is better than the king! Thanks OBAMA!

tokenwhitedude COVID-19 symtpom

Asexuality

Depends on pre or post Revolutionary France rules

NEW CAPTION: 'Tom Cruise stunt double can't remember if he's supposed to be taller or shorter than Cruise'

Just ask them to Go Fish, they can’t call you on that until the end of the round.

Go Fish 😆

Sometimes I can’t remember if I took the red pill or the blue pill. Still bothers me to this day...

Blackjack is the game that lets you choose whether your ace is worth 11 points or one point

I know that feeling all too well! But then, I don't play poker...professionally or otherwise.

Is it a suicide king? Because those are wild.

You know something? It can be confusing to remember which is stronger. 'King' sounds like the stronger one just by definition. 🙂

valueselectTV is this your side gig?

A pair of two beat a single Ace. They just tag teamed his ass and kicked the diamonds out of him.

Shockingly his odds of winning don’t change.

I know you guys think this is funny but I imagine that would be very stressful for him.

Another Vegas Covid symptom.

Lame.

'Sorry, uh. Does a full house beat a flush or...?'

'Say...I haven't seen a joker yet. This game may be rigged.'

So not clutch.

Hate when that happens!

That is awfully realistic

My face when I sober up at the black jack table and realize I hit on pocket tens.

kirkbussey

Split the hand. 😉

Like forgetting the password to my iPad after it decides my thumbprint isn't good enough. :-)

Why do I choose this for a living jon_bois

Joeingram1

His facial expressions would be super confusing so he would be really good in one way

Field goal!

Big if true

how did he become a professional poker player without knowing something that basic? And how do you know what he was thinking anyway? I'm sceptical of this whole story

me in 10 years

Standard.

Shocking stuff...

fair

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