My Family Doesn't 'Match' Expectations -- But It's Perfect & I Hope Everyone Learns From It

Those two words have been officially a part of my life for almost five months, but the truth is, they Ever since I was a little girl, I've felt that I was called for plans farIt was an indescribable feeling as a young teenager. I never truly knew what to do with those feelings. On one hand, I felt different from my peers around me, which you can only imagine brought a lot of insecurity on a young girl.

It became my way out, my way from the insecurity of feeling like I wasn't good enough, I wasn't smart enough, I wasn't beautiful enough. With alcohol, you have a common ground with people. As sad as it sounds, you aren't identified as the 16-year-old girl on her knees in the bathroom stall asking WHY. You are identified as a drunk with the rest of them, you feel as if you belong somewhere. With that belonging brings a whole ton of emptiness, a whole ton of regret.

I think constantly feeling different, ashamed, alone, forgotten, and scared prepared me for the moment I stepped into foster care and is going to continually prepare me for each placement that steps foot in my home. I can't relate to what it's like to have two parents who don't care for me the way that I deserve. I can't relate to abuse. I can't relate to being moved to five different foster homes in a four-month time frame.

I won't lie, it was hard hearing the harsh opinions from people I truly loved and cared for. I wanted to respect their opinions, but I also knew they couldn't understand what I felt because they weren't the ones being nudged at in their heart since they were 16.So, there I was at 25 years old in a relationship with a man I didn't see a forever with, a man I was never truly in love with, a man who never truly understood me.

I only had one crib, one car seat, I'm only licensed for one child. I'M SINGLE, REMEMBER? And I have a full-time job. I thought of every reason why my no was justified. I lay there on the couch and turned on the television to distract myself from second-guessing everything. The feeling didn't go away. As I lay there, I had another foster mom call me and say,"I feel like these boys are yours.

I've spent the last six months praying, investing, and educating myself on how I can love the twins' biological parents better. How I can help break their generational poverty and addiction that has been passed down in their family for many generations.

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