I sleep 12 hours on some days. I feel sadness overpower me and with tears in my eyes my motivation is nowhere to be found. My appetite fluctuates; some days I eat a banana nut muffin, and nothing else. Other days, I’m snacking into the night. My hobbies no longer seem like passions.
Sometimes the depression appears in the afternoon. I stare at my computer and I can feel the energy leaking out of me. I can’t get chores done and the dishes pile up in the sink. I can’t sit still and I start to feel lonely. Every time my depression visits, it surprises me. It takes me some time to realize I’m depressed and not just lazy or incapable of functioning. Then, suddenly, I’m the most insecure person on earth. I’m a burden and I can’t get out of my irrational thoughts. I’m still on the journey of giving myself grace during these moments. It’s hard for me not to feel guilty and not to compare myself to everyone else who seems to be a fully functional member of society.
The author couldn’t be more right: depression is like a mist that appears all of a sudden. I’ve been living with it for majority of my adult life & it appears at various times during the day for me too. I fight it every day & I think I’m winning but the fight is exhausting.
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