Oh thank God, he made sure the girls that were put in his sex traffic ring were at least of legal age.
Note to CapitalistArmy!
He asked for coffee and they gave him a divorce. Then he said he has no coffee and they named his child Epstein. His father was named for him, and he said his name was Folgers. TIME!
If there's a more trustworthy source than a sex trafficker, I haven't met him
The new book by actor , humanitarian, and all around good shit , Rick Moranis . ‘ Honey I Shrunk My Career ‘ is amazing . He talks about all of the tail he got in NYC in the 80s and how the cocaine in LA was always better than NY. It’s a great book about a great man.
I wonder which judge he will get and whether he will believe this obvious lie...maybe it will be hard to find a judge who doesn't have fond memories of Epstein. The judicial systems are rotten to the core, with the elites mostly getting off, and the poor always being hammered!
How old does my sex trafficking ring need to be?
Proffering defense tactics?
Your honor, I swear, I thought it was on the up-and-up.
Says, 'What's the point of having money if I can't spend it anyway I want.'
Really struggled with this one. Had to look twice to make sure it was the Onion and not CNN. But even I never used this excuse with Hera.
Sounds like a good Dersh defense
This guy and r kelly best of friends... it's a very freaky world.
well what’s the point otherwise it’s just another industry mixer
Funny thing is his legal team might actually try this defense to get him a lesser sentence
Considering to them the laws is a joke yeah might as well.
Wanr to be an American model? Learn to massage old creepy men while you wait for one to jumpstart your career.
Sorry some subjects are unhumourable imo
Easy mistake to make....
And Bill never had sex with that young (and others) lady!
Or against the law.
Is this even satire anymore?
Did he check their IDs?
“They told me it was 18”
Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if this ends up being the actual defense
Hate when that happens
The Onion is always best when it goes kinda dark.
LouiseMensch Oh well then ... if hes swearing he must be telling the truth!!! 😂😂😂😂
That seems to be the GOPs take
Plausible deniability. Smart defence.
LouiseMensch Brave souls, trying to squeeze a little humor out of this subject matter!
LouiseMensch Mukasey AG 2008, ahem...
LouiseMensch But sex-trafficking is fine?
Alright, this made me chuckle. 😫
Apparently he thinks under-age is under 12.
Too soon
These days reality comes so close to satire it's really hard to tell to tell the difference.
Art project, indeed...more like a creepy old fart project.
If you had sleaze-pass there would have been no traffic and everyone's age verified.
That guy looks like beast from the old 80's tv show beauty in the best. How much you want to be he knows this and is proud of it... probably like scary proud where he's drawing dragons all over his balls and praying into ferns while screaming?
Sex trafficking is fine as long as it’s not underage. Smh
AntiTrumpReport 😂
One Ring to Rule Them All
Best onion article of the year
I wish the Onion would’nt try to make jokes about things like this. Have some respect for the victims.
It's been going on for at least 18 years so hes not wrong
For sure he had no clue... I am Billy Bubble Gum and the check is in the mail. No law bringing him to justice is what the problem was and is until he stays in jail. Big money and big Egos.
Dershowitz claims collecting children isn't a crime.
There is nothing funny about this matter.
goes for the jugular!
Ok, this is what it sounds like to me ? So now he admits there was a sex trafficking ring but he’s sorry he didn’t pay attention to the age ?
If I had that money and I was a feckless prick, I'd have a spoiled wife, a couple of concubines and a running tab at a strip joint. I guess when you're that jaded, you need to ruin young girls' lives to get a lift.
Everyone makes mistakes
That's like doing 140 MPH in a school zone than saying you did not know the speed limit.
Lol
A better headline would have been: “Epstein did not know Sex-Trafficking ring was illegal at his income level”
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