Why is the onion reporting real news now?
I thought the onion was satire
Oh crystal ball Jeff, please provide me with a humble $20
Behold, the man who profited from a pandemic when hundreds of thousands died. Nothing new, just more piles of money to sit on. But will he build a spaceship to leave earth with ElonMusk? Readers want to know. JeffBezos
I get it. It's an Onion article because the joke is that Bezos is actually against slavery. We see how his business functions. Slavery is a necessary thing for his profit margins.
MaryTracy Could you see Jeff Bezos as a slave driver in a previous existence 🤔🤔
Has to be satire. No way he’d table it
Once upon a time The Onion was funny
If you employ people at 40hrs/wk and they still qualify for SNAP....you hold slaves.
You guys aren't satire, you know that right?
VaushV The joke here is that Bezos would never refrain from slavery
Yea but what's going on under that table?
If the onion makes an article it will come true now 😭
VaushV i'm disappointed in this publication, normally the satire is closer to hone than this since when would jeff bezos say no to slave labor?
Obvious satire, he would never table that.
So, in the USA, tabling means to dismiss or put aside? Because damn, I always use tabling as 'put forth an idea'
VaushV if you want full employment isnt this an easy answer? mattyglesias
VaushV The only thing that makes this satire is that he wouldn't actually table it
If you want real cost cutting, pay the engineers less who are developing the robots that will replace the slaves. Management is executing now..
For2000years Onion not pulling punches, I like it
The onion does not miss 😂
Jeff: Slavery, again?
Oh come on he would keep working that problem till it solved
the satire part is that irl he totes would just do that shit.
loveisbrilliant yep
'Tables' - Implements in other country with less oversight
Not slaves my goodman, 'indentured' servants
😂
FAKE NEWS! JeffBezos would NEVER table such an idea.
Hashtag slavery with extra steps
'After Realizing It’s Just Slaves' Jesus had a good reason to say nothing about the injustice of slavery. CAESAR'S MESSIAH: The Roman Conspiracy to Invent Jesus
Sorry to Bother You 2020
back to satire please
That scene with Niander Wallace talking about slaves in Blade Runner 2049 is practically every tech messiah.
Would never stop him...
How long did it take the editor to change “Cancels” to “Tables”? Genius move.
Executives are always fighting paying wages. Do they think people dont deserve to live. They would be happy to see masses of people gone
The point being that the ultimate goal of CAPITALISM is MAXIMUM PROFIT AT MINIMAL COST meaning that SLAVERY costs little to nothing & is therefore acceptable. TECH will obsolete the majority of BEZOS folks sooner than later assuming he INVESTS & BELIEVES in it. He'll get richer
Oh no! 😱
The actual plan is to remove all the people. No producers, only consumers.
bourgeoisalien The minimum wage is cheaper than owning slaves.
Damn marketing graduated will re package anything with fancy words won’t they
So Slavery is the best way to cut cost? intresting i'm pretty sure that's what my mother was thinking when she had me
harpersfairy1 no way he would table that idea
An oldie but goodie. More relevant than ever
BernMaestro
Just needs to work on the messaging
profgalloway
Jeff:
artdecaderoo Save it for next Tuesday, when we have a distraction event set up.
I can see the washingtonpost headline: “Thirteenth Amendment Worth a Second Look”
peprosenfeld Ha!
Like he would table that idea.....
As if he would table it
demsocjohnbrown
Here in Europe Amazon posts job listings in ukrainian because no one wants to work for that salary.
You can tell this is an onion article because he wouldn’t have tabled it.
Is that true?
You broke your own style guide here.
He discovered that slaves are more expensive than employees because you have to feed, clothe, and house them.
Science is a terrible thing for waste. Ever try winning an argument with a robot? Reminder that we are what we make. Signed: human waste.
These headlines are getting even more rediculious. Like he'd turn down a cost-cutting idea for a silly reason like that.
I can tell it’s the Onion because the headline reads “tabled.” The real Bezos would never.
How unfortunate. Seemed promising but more legal troubles than it's worth and just imagine the marketing nightmare.
‘but then it started to sound really familiar in a bad way,” said Bezos,
Did you know that Jeff Bezos could give $100,000 to each of his employees and he’d still be a prick?
Just wait until he hears about indentured servitude
I thought that was Dr. Evil for a sec
This is unrealistic because he turned down the idea instead of just thinking about how he can market it
2PointOhPodcast if bezos was a guest
Don't be so sure. Biden is already talking about US troops in Ethiopia, revving up the refugee trafficking industry.
dont think this would stop him
AdyBarkan He built that plantation himself if you want to pick yourself up by your bootstraps get of the couch and start your own forced labor camp
If they were slaves, he’d have to give them housing, food, etc. it would be too expensive
Yo they made a Jeff Bezos comic
Was it really tabled though
Mulitply by 3, carry the 4.......yeah, it's actually cheaper if we just buy them outright because we can write off their lost value as they depriciate.
Too expensive for him -- slaves you have to feed and house
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