. Ever since that year, I have felt so unsettled on my birthday because I'm not where I want to be in life. I feel behind and like I can't catch up. I'm finally now a mother of one at age 36 . . . I'll never be a mother of three by age 35 like I thought. The passing of another year is a reminder that time is running out.
My tears stem from this place of internal conflict where I know I should be content but I just can't be.when the tears boil over. I worry that crying in front of those that I love most diminishes all the hard work that they put forth to ensure that I had a happy birthday. I can see it in my husband's eyes — there's a look that tells me he put it all out there to make me happy on my day and failed. There's a pain because he wants our current blessings to be enough.
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