I Need to Believe Britney Spears Is the Fastest Human on Earth

  • 📰 TheCut
  • ⏱ Reading Time:
  • 73 sec. here
  • 3 min. at publisher
  • 📊 Quality Score:
  • News: 32%
  • Publisher: 51%

United States Headlines News

United States Latest News,United States Headlines

Guess who the fastest person in the world is right this very moment? It’s Britney, b*tch

I want to belive. Photo: Getty Images Guess who the fastest person in the world is right this very moment? Go on, guess! Okay, fine, I will just tell you: It’s Britney, bitch.

On Wednesday, Britney Spears has absolutely obliterated the record for speediest 100-meter dash, according to her Instagram account. I will not be entertaining any questions about this claim’s validity at this time, because frankly, I need it to be true. Consider the incontrovertible photographic evidence: Per the below screenshot, Britney ran 100 meters in 5.97 seconds. “Ran my first 5 !!!!” she wrote in the caption. “Getting over your fear of pushing it in the beginning is key … once I did that I hit 5 !!!!! Usually I run 6 or 7 … my first try was 9 … and now I did it whoop !!!!! 100 meter dash.”

As many of her followers pointed out, the previous record holder for this event is Usain Bolt, at 9.58 seconds. The Jamaican sprinter clinched the “fastest man in the world” title at the 2009 IAAF Athletic Championships in Berlin, after continually beating his own personal best at various Olympic Games and running events.

But listen. Britney is very sporty: She works out constantly, can fly gracefully through the air, and has, at certain points in her life, allegedly been able to do between 750 and 1,000 crunches in a day. So until she can either race Usain Bolt in person or settle this score on the Olympic track , we will just have to take her word for it. And why ruin this gift by questioning where it came from? As evidenced by … everything you see when you look around you, stranger things have happened.

 

Thank you for your comment. Your comment will be published after being reviewed.
Please try again later.
We have summarized this news so that you can read it quickly. If you are interested in the news, you can read the full text here. Read more:

 /  🏆 720. in US

United States Latest News, United States Headlines

Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.

Trump downplays worst-case coronavirus scenarios: 'I don't believe you need 40,000 or 30,000 ventilators'President Trump expressed skepticism Thursday night that the worst-case coronavirus pandemic scenarios would come to pass in the U.S., telling Fox News' 'Hannity' that 'I have a feeling that a lot of the numbers that are being said in some areas are just bigger than they're going to be.' realDonaldTrump Mr. President, do you think they are ordering 30,000 ventilators for shits and giggles? There are many sick people in this country. Step out of your denial, put your big boy pants on, and deal with the issues at hand. You said if they asked, you’d deliver.😳 You might want to redo your poll that says Biden is winning...You use 754 people..here is the real deal/real poll:
Source: FoxNews - 🏆 9. / 87 Read more »

Amid coronavirus crisis, Trump says: ‘I don’t believe you need 40,000 or 30,000 ventilators’President Donald Trump on Thursday night expressed doubt that New York really needed tens of thousands of ventilators, despite the urgent pleas from health-care professionals and that state’s governor. America deserves better Tuesday, November 3rd can’t get here soon enough! DumpTrump
Source: MarketWatch - 🏆 3. / 97 Read more »

Trump claims U.S. states don't need the amount of ventilators they're asking for: 'I don't believe you need 40,000 or 30,000''You know, at a major hospital sometimes they'll have two ventilators,' Trump said. 'All of a sudden they're saying, 'Can we order 30,000 ventilators?'' كذاب و كاذب Forgot he was one of the greatest medical minds we’ve ever seen. 🤦🏻‍♂️ Covid-19 is either 1) really bad, knock one down, flu-like symptoms or 2) it's that, then it quickly/fully attacks the lung tree. The pressure of the vent needed 4 oxygenation levels is such it could almost burst some lungs/trachea/cause lifelong lung damage.
Source: Newsweek - 🏆 468. / 52 Read more »

Japan says no need now for state of emergencyThe Japanese government said on Friday there was no need now to declare a state of emergency, after Prime Minister Shinzo Abe the previous day described the coronavirus as a 'national crisis' following a surge of cases in Tokyo. but can't say not for tomorrow? 👌 You fear/panic monger fools won’t crash their economy
Source: Reuters - 🏆 2. / 97 Read more »

15 Years Later, Does The Office Need A Reboot?In this era of peak nostalgia, the internet's favorite television show is ripe for a revival Not
Source: MTVNEWS - 🏆 479. / 51 Read more »

What schools need to add to their Covid-19 crisis toolkitAs grocery store shelves are emptied, supply chains are disrupted and students' school environments are shifting as a result of the Covid-19 pandemic, it's time to enact policy that will ensure free and easy access to period products for those who can't afford them, say Laura Blackburn of Thinx, Inc. and Nadya Okamoto of PERIOD.
Source: CNN - 🏆 4. / 95 Read more »