I Lost My Pregnancy: Here's How I'm Finding Community Now

This story details the writer's experience with losing her pregnancy and what followed. At mindbodygreen, we aim to be very intentional about the way we talk about these difficult situations and try to use language that better empathizes the wide spectrum of experiences that fall under pregnancy loss. To learn more about how we frame this discussion—and why we do so—read more about ourWhen I first found out I was pregnant, I expected to feel excitement, awe, and a little bit of panic.

You're supposed to temper your excitement in these early days. You're carrying a life-altering secret—coupled with intense physical symptoms—but you're not supposed to speak a word of it to anyone. I pride myself on being an open book and assumed I would struggle with this social pretense. Surprisingly, I didn't. These early days felt sacred, and I kept our news close: a secret knowing that only my partner and I shared.

At exactly seven weeks, I started cramping and bleeding. Google tried to convince me that what I was experiencing could be normal, but my intuition told me otherwise. I oscillated between pre-mourning and holding on tight, searching for things likeIn between frantic WebMD searches, my pregnancy apps served me a notification that my baby was now the size of a blueberry. I don't remember what the doctor said the next day at the transvaginal ultrasound.

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