Photo: Petrified Collection/Getty Images Rachel, 31, has been living with her long-term boyfriend for over a year now, and suspects he may be depressed. He seems to have lost interest in his job, his friends, his family, and her — and he’s been drinking a lot, too. He admits that he feels stuck and unhappy, but when she suggests professional help — a therapist — he says it’s too expensive.
There’s an old joke about therapy: How many shrinks does it take to change a light bulb? The answer: Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change. It’s dumb, but true — even if your boyfriend were a billionaire, and even if he did decide to shower money on therapy, it wouldn’t help unless he really wanted to stop rolling around in beer and misery. In other words, even if therapy is your idea, he has to take ownership of it.
Still, just because you grease the wheels and give him a shove doesn’t mean he’ll go anywhere. “Cost can be just one form of resistance,” says Clayman. “It’s the easiest and most impersonal excuse people can point to, when in reality, they just don’t want to go to therapy. It’s part of the spectrum of factors that can keep someone from getting the support that would be useful to them.”
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