WASHINGTON—Observing that scripture calls upon the faithful to care for the downtrodden and dispossessed, top GOP leaders argued Monday that giving President Donald Trump a second term would be a Christian act of charity for a poor,
elderly man. “The First Epistle of John tells us God’s love abides in those who open their hearts to a brother in need—so surely, as followers of Christ, we cannot turn this impoverished man out of his office,” said Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, who explained that the reelection of Trump would fulfill a sacred duty by providing the penniless vagrant with housing, a hot meal every day, and a sense of purpose.
AzothZan That’s ridiculous.
If he shouldn't win, some Secret Service guys will be assigned to be with him 24 hrs/day. Any volunteers?
the kindest act anyone could perform is a nice soft pillow over the face
Do not make these jokes. They are too realistic.
Don’t even joke about it, the Republican voters will probably believe it.
Charity? Ever see Sleepyjoe give to charity like Trump donates his salary every year?
Imma not a realDonaldTrump supporter...but we have way bigger fish to fry den an senile orange ompa loompa wit a bad combover ...ie da ppl dat created COVID19 aka CCPVirus ..
cameron_kasky I feel so bad for — who going ironied by real life.
Tell him to go to church where they would be happy to put him up until he found a new job.
He needs a proper hair piece too. Donate today!
Plus he has dementia and he's incontinent too!
What is the performance enhancing drug that could turn a senile, sleepy, stupid Biden into a knowledgeable, articulate, thoughtful Biden? The ones I like tend to have an opposite effect.
cameron_kasky I've never been more glad to be an atheist in my life
He can figure out how to live on a Social Security check. Cat food isn't that expensive.
Yes that’s true.
MartianLobotomy I just can't laugh at you any more Onion... Your Headlines all sound true at this point.
If cast out, he might be forced to get an honest job.
Nobody told him to blow his family inheritance on yachts 3 Russian wives Casinos and lots of cheeseburgers ....... GOP needs to hold him the “ bootstrap “ rule they hold the rest of us to - Rugged individualism
Dumb and cringepilled
🤣🤣🤣🤣
I'm not so sure about this. USATODAY, would you please fact check?
You could say the same thing about Biden. I wonder what what made them go to Trump
this is funny
Very funny! There is more than one poor elderly man in the US, we don’t need more.
Awwwww well we can sure find a home for the old guy. ICE Detention cage, COVID ravaged nursing home....
Or like many people when a person is elderly and unable to work the spouse goes back to work to supplement Social Security...I'm sure Melania has job experience at something, right?
He deserves the same treatment as a lame horse, actually no he should be left to suffer
Elderly criminal 'man'..
Oh, Onion, you are good. I had to take a 2nd look.
Thoughts & Prayers! For us all.
I am struggling to tell the difference between the Onion and Fox....
Hahaha 😂
Trump at tax time 🤣🤣
Not satirical.
“Let he who hasn’t squandered a 9 figure inheritance from their con man father cast the first stone”
hes not wrong
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