Fuck, Roommates Want To Have Meeting
BROOKLYN, NY—Sitting in the living room of his apartment Wednesday, a visibly anxious Drew Johnson told reporters that, fuck, his roommates want to have a meeting as soon as everyone can find a moment.
Though Johnson said the situation in the apartment has been far from perfect, he reportedly didn't think that problems had escalated to a point that warranted a full-on meeting.Other than a few recollected infractions—such as the time Johnson was told he was doing the recycling wrong and the time he found the tennis shoes he typically leaves in the common area placed outside his bedroom door—things, according to Johnson, had "been pretty good, or at least I thought they were."
Advertisement"I haven't bought paper towels in a while," he said while sorting through supplies under the sink, making special note of two kitchen sponges he purchased last week. "But that's because someone else always buys them first. If they wanted me to buy them, they could have asked and I would have picked some up."
"And I guess sometimes the sink can pile up," he continued, noting that several weeks ago there was a Post-it note on the refrigerator reminding everyone to wash their dishes—a message Johnson said was clearly just for him. "It's not like I wasn't going to eventually do the dishes. I just didn't want to do them right then. I wouldn't be surprised if [the meeting's] about the dishes, especially because Amy specifically mentioned clean dishes in her Craigslist ad. Clean dishes and neat communal space. Those were her sticking points." headtopics.com
AdvertisementCiting an unfamiliarity with the apartment's policies, Johnson reviewed a list of things he might have done wrong without even knowing, including failures to lock the back door or use the fan to save electricity. However, the tenant could not recall an occasion when he neglected to notify roommates of an out-of-town guest or ate someone's food without asking, a particular grievance of Bridget.
"I've barely even seen Bridget since I got here," recalled Johnson, adding that he gets the feeling Bridget doesn't like him, anyway. "That means whatever I did, she's hearing about it secondhand."Advertisement"How long has this been going on?" he continued. "When I'm in my bedroom, are they out here complaining about me?"
Johnson later stated that if the problems were as small as the ones previously mentioned, they probably wouldn't necessitate a meeting, which led him to believe that the discussion could be about a broader topic, such as his overall personality.Advertisement
"Holy shit, maybe they're going to kick me out," he said. "Those assholes are going to kick me out. That is not fucking fair. They don't even know me. These guys are like a fucking power bloc. Of course if things go wrong in the apartment they're automatically going to think I'm the problem." headtopics.com
Added Johnson, "This meeting's going to fucking suck."At press time, Johnson had reportedly decided that while it was pointless to speculate further as to why the meeting was being held, it wouldn't hurt to wash the windows a little bit.Read more: The Onion »
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I had this one roommate that overreacted to everything. One time he texted me a picture of a sock I dropped doing laundry with something to the effect of “dick move, bro” and three paragraphs how I needed to be more mindful of other people’s mental health. John Birmingham-he died with a felafel in his hand
Most prefer to F probably instead of meeting. Hey, your intolerance for nudity is a you problem. Probably about that hideous orange dress 👗😕🎻 You aren’t doing your dishes. i used to save a bottle of rhum just for this wonderful occasions The Sandman trade on the table thoooo 'Fuck, I have roommates' For a minute i thought it was a porn video about to start cos this is how they begin
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