Ramen noodle sales— hardest hit
Popehat As a guy who survived his fall through a dorm window— I can relate...
Ha! 😂
True story
No that's still happening :)
Oof. That one’s got some bite.
Have a fond college memory of the idiot who drank 300 ounces of beer in 300 minutes, thus becoming a member of the 300 Club. To celebrate he leaped through the screen of a second-story window, hit a tree, and broke his collar bone.
kampeas Wondering...1982 Johns Hopkins U rumor was if your roommate killed themselves, you got a 4.0 for the semester.
LOL.
TLCexpat
Dumb. Study TheBabylonBee for clues on how humor works, dude.
The College Experience; the place where you 'pursue' your future, by taking out a loan and put yourself into debt and put your body through jeopardizing situations for fun because your body can get away with it & society will tolerate it through the vehicle of bettering yourself.
jakefromyork is this you
Gonna miss getting that first public intoxication charge
😂
Kurt... Name checks out. His friends will be Brody, Chad and Tyler.
He will just have to wait for Spring Break. When he will get a second chance there to fall off of a hotel balcony proving that it is impossible to hit the hotel's pool from up there.
This isn’t Russia!
Also sad to lose out on the Fresman 15 he would have gained.
me circa 2018 👀
Every fucking year!
I’m having such a hard time with this, 😳😭😂
Haha still good
Yeah, that sucks
with no defenestration to speak of, what will college handbooks spend time on
Getting black out drunk in the safety of his parents home just isn't the same
OMG, The Onion. You guys are the best. 🤣😂🤣😂
proof that will would look better with short hair
This is tragic.
The TWIN TOWERS HAPPENED IN 1991 AND NOT IN 2001. THESILENTPEACETREATY
And fallen asleep on location on a couch at first rager.
Poor guy.
No problem. I had bars on mine Ooohhhh collage.
The fall would have been EPIC, bro!
The best damn weekend of his life.
That kid looks like the bastard son of Flock of Seagulls and Juno.
Doesn't know what he's missing.
jfc
I thought that was me for a second
“At press time, reports confirmed Ryan had approximated campus life by drunkenly passing out on the front lawn of his parents’ house. “ 😂
VictoriaFromNYC on_da_spectrum this feels like you
I watched someone fall out the top floor of my dorm at MSU my first year, it was awful to watch, but they survived. Luckily it rained the day before softening the ground a bit.
maya_pillai
And the beer bong will miss him too.
Oh shit, this is actually making fun of the daughter of late Detroit News columnist George Cantor.
essentiallyjeff
TonyWHmag Helll
The fall would have been EPIC!
But he didn't pay someone to take his SATs, so there's that.
Gonna miss all those other communicable diseases too
Leave it to the Onion to make me mentally go 'heh' when I feel like freaking the fuck out
Well you don't have to go to college to fall out a window. My sister's b/f would have balloon parties back in the 90's. I heard one girl nearly fell out the window but they grabbed her in time so she was ok
I’m glad these kids are going to learn to drink alone at home at an early age...
Chin up, young buck. There's still plenty of time to fall through sooo many things! 👍
Almost happened to me my freshman year. Bad mushroom trip, 4th floor dorm. Had a great roommate 😂
It was to be his 1st time with edibles at CU Boulder. Go Buffs!
every college romance movie ever
ok but why does his hair look like he just fell out of a window
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