WASHINGTON—Advising consumers to check their kitchens for contamination as soon as possible, the Food and Drug Administration announced an immediate recall Wednesday of millions of U.S.-sold chili peppers after finding evidence that if you chop them and then touch your junk, your junk will burn.
“This is an urgent matter of public safety: If you cut up a jalapeño, serrano, habanero, or other spicy varietal, and then, for any reason, your hand makes contact with your pubic region, that shit will sting like a motherfucker. Our agency has been working quickly to remove these peppers from the market ever since an incident in which we were just trying to make a nice panang curry for dinner and instead wound up doubled over on the floor with an absolutely scorching hot crotch.
and never ever scratch a hemmorhoid after eating one
Shut up...ha
I did this the other day it was hell
“make sure they dispose of them properly and without delay” Throw them away, throw them away, NOW!” “relief from chili pepper exposure can require consumers to dip their junk into a cup of milk” Some do a little dance and then they use a glass of water - not sufficient!
Chopping ghost peppers and then touching your junk works much better than Viagra. But don’t take your partners screaming and moaning as a good thing
Can confirm 🔥
It's true, I've been there
Ha
So that’s what that was.
😆😂😂
This shit is old! Janet isn’t running FDA anymore!!
Hahahahahaha 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Well then recall.. Ben Gay and all toothpaste. My teenage years were painful.
My eyes! My eyes! I touched my eyes!
Good lookin’ out, FDA
Ummm...some of us pay extra for that service
Don’t Touch It
Whats was the method of finding this?
😂😂😂If you cut up a jalapeño, serrano, habanero, or other spicy varietal, and then, for any reason, your hand makes contact with your pubic region, that shit will sting like a motherfucker😂😂😂
Jalapenis is no laughing matter.
For every warning label there is a story
The only cure is to f*** a pint of ice cream.
that's an urban legend 👀
thanks for testing the theory
foreskin intelligentdesign
Oh hell yeah….. sign me up babey!
Worth it
That's 'chile' pepper 🌶️
That explain a lot about Trump 🤣
Pepper HJ. Best revenge when you find out they're cheating.
But some people might like that.
Can confirm.
Shoulda been a pic of habaneros. 🔥
MelissaWrites22 Were you responsible for this? 🤨
The FDA needs to stay out of my bedroom 🌶🔥🍆
Well, junk is a patriarchal construct
That and they won't stop singing about California. Like, we get it. You've got a vibe. Even the Beastie Boys aren't as regionalized. Making Bruce Springsteen look like he's only mildly into New Jersey.
Sources Cited: GeoffLRamsey
What if they're Red Hot?
WHAT
WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME ABOUT THIS BEFORE
My family & I really like the spicy taste of chili, which we process into 'sambal', & always accompanies us when we eat, whatever the food is. The taste of chili that has been processed into sambal, tastes so much better when compared to bottled chili sauce, made in factory.
The government will want your junk too
UncleChaps
What if we chop them up and touch someone ELSE's junk?
Give it away, now.
Don't wash your junk in the sink. I wash my face in that sink.
God's punishment for jerking your gherkin. It burns because He cares
Case in point, some things are only harmful to society when people behave irresponsibly, and getting rid of it doesn’t solve the stupidity problem.
It's a bonus tho?
Literally 1984
Does it burn like gonorrhea or burn like diarrhea? Asking for a friend...
Can't even give 'em away give 'em away give 'em away now...
Related: Supreme Court Rules 5-4 That FDA May Only Send Polite Letters To Violators Once Per Month Asking That They Please Stop Violating FDA Rules
It's true
Basically the same reason why any drug is illegal
This is the biggest threat. Bigger than monkeypox. Help us, Biden!
But it’s an alternative to the Monkeypox vaccine, I’ve heard…
And yet Anthony Kiedis is still out there…
Um they don’t make chili peppers this small jokes on them nice try science
If you touch your junk after chopping chili peppers then you don’t deserve your junk in the first place. 🌶
Oil your hands before chop the chilly, it won't burn your hands.
Can confirm.
Omg
My niece worked on Rick Bayless’ Mexico: One Plate at a Time. One day the photographer arranged hot peppers for a shoot and then went to take a piss. Yep! Never do that!
They should get rid of onions as well. They will burn the hell out of the tip. All except this onion! It doesn't hurt at all ... I think more research is needed.
Did not know this was a thing until 2 weeks ago. It most definitely is a thing.
I'm now buying millions of chili peppers.
what if you want your junk to burn? asking for a friend.
Hence the socks
Hahahaha or should I say jajajajajajaj pinche gringos. And remember to touch Cher eyes tu
So it's better to touch your junk first. I get it now.
Try bear mace. It’s funny until you feel the lasting burn.
The new Tide pod challange
The pain is real.
I'd like to be on the control group for that study please
Thank you FDA!!
Always use gloves when handling 🌶
this happened to me
That is true!
Yo 😅
You might also groove your tits right off.
Even if I had to buy and use micro-chili?
Can confirm
Have done this.
Too late.
Fact check: true.
facts!
Easy fix. Just rub ranch or bleu cheese dressing on it.
Her junk has never been touched
Notice provided too late. My junk is on fire🥵
And goodness knows we’ve all been there.
This is bureaucratic overreach and a slippery slope towards fascism! My junk, my choice!
Finally a PSA we can all get behind.
Your junk:
CDC says it’s okay
I’m doing this because these was exactly how I saw a recommendation and decided to give it a try, now am so happy to be on this platform. All thanks to kathybtcc
That’s why I only chop peppers and then touch other peoples’ junk
You think that's bad, back in my Airforce days I once tried to use Bengay as a personal lubricant and damn near wound up in the hospital.
Where is the picture of the “junk”?
I can tell you from first-hand experience TRUE DAT.
Been there, done that. I think it was the Dixie Chicken at TAMU that had free crackers, jalapeños, and salted peanuts to go with your beer. Jalapeños! One trip to the restroom without washing your hands FIRST and you never did that again.
Worse than the eyes 😂
Tell me about it
Big Pepper doesn't want you to know this! Wake up!
Can they just put a warning “wash hands between chop chili and touch your junks” in supermarkets 🌶 display ?
In a stunning contradiction, the CDC has just issued guidance that you can, indeed, touch your junk after chopping chili peppers.
BREAKING: CDC finds the burn mild and rather stimulating. Overrides FDA recall following meeting with Dr. Pepper.
I got the clap from a Red Hot Chili Pepper once
Sharing means caring. Burning means yearning.
Lies. I rub ghost pepper juice on my junk 2-3 times a week. No pain. Also, I have no feeling down there. Old soda pop injury
profaxe thanks again for the habaneros! My junk is just fine BTW 🤣
I thought The Onion was supposed to be satire.
😳😂🤣😂
What about touching other people's junk?
This is America, so I have no doubt such a warning is needed.
I can confirm that this is, unfortunately, true and very painful.
Spoil sports!
It’s been a long battle. I never thought this day would come. This is a tremendous relief. blessed
I thought was a feature, not a bug. 🔥🔥🥵🥵
Take it away, take it away, take it way now.
Well, chili peppers are just one excuse for that burning
I told my man that using chili peppers for P.E. was a bad idea.
Don't chop your junk to make Chili unburn
I love the onion
Finally, politics people can relate to.
can confirm
Said the onion… 😅
FDA Recalls the Red Hot Chili Peppers because we all need a break from 90s alternative music
Lmao
Oh, crap.
'Pain and pleasure... indivisible'
This is why I vote.
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