Greyhound To Send Chimps On Pioneering Bus Trip From Buffalo To Atlantic City

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Interstate Voyage Seen As Step Toward One Day Placing Humans On Route

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Gipson went on to say that during their mission, Kip and Dottie would face challenges including extreme discomfort and lengthy periods of boredom occasionally interrupted by moments of acute aggravation, not to mention frequent car sickness brought on by the harrowing interstate trek.

“We will monitor Kip and Dottie’s vital signs closely to see how the harsh conditions of the journey through the bleakest reaches of Western New York and upstate Pennsylvania affect their well-being,” Gipson said. “As our nearest biological relatives, chimps are the ideal test subjects to gauge how our own species might react when exposed to exceptionally stressful conditions such as the constant smell of warm egg salad or a flat tire occurring just 20 minutes into the trip.

According to researchers, the chimps will be outfitted in a standard uniform of sweatpants and flip-flops, with the addition of special sensors to record the the body temperature, heart rate, and blood pressure of the animals as they are exposed to temperature extremes from sitting for hours in constant sunlight streaming through unshaded windows and being blasted by frigid air from broken air-conditioning vents directly overhead.

Continued Gipson, “The reality of the situation is, once the bus hits the I-476 ramp, the chimps are very much on their own.”Greyhound’s methodology has come under scrutiny in the past, most notably after 1999’s New York-to-D.C. disaster, in which a dog named Chief was killed when his 55-seat vehicle skidded into a wall of the Lincoln Tunnel just 17 minutes after departure.

Nevertheless, officials remained optimistic that this latest research mission would yield results that would bring humanity ever closer to Western New York/coastal New Jersey bus travel.“We envision a future in which any person can purchase a low-cost bus ticket and be gambling their life’s savings away within just a half-day’s travel,” Gipson said.

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I feel sorry for whoever has to clean the toilet on that van, which means the entire van because chimps.

now that's what I call monkey business

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