Father-Son Dynamics Impacted by ADHD: Parent-Child Conflict

Q: “Both my husband and our 16-year-old son suffer from ADHD, and the fighting between them is constant! My husband is super critical of our son and sometimes it feels as though he loves to ‘add fuel to the fire’ whenever he can. I’m worried because our son is very emotionally closed off; he doesn’t show his emotions for really anything.

Your husband’s job is to manage himself. Every time he loses it, he offers your son a reason not to trust him or feel safe around him. He also provides your son with a great excuseto make any effort or be accountable because it’s easier to blame his step-father who is ‘crazy’ or ‘mean.’ Teens need a stable home base as a launching pad for venturing out into the world. This secure attachment assists him in maturing into an adult, regardless of how annoying he may be as he takes those steps.

How can your husband empathize with your son and remember what it was like for him to be judged or told he doesn’t measure up? We each have our unique paths to gain wisdom and experience in life. Perhaps your husband can practice listening and reflecting back what he hears your son saying instead of telling him what he should do. In all likelihood, your son’s not going to heed his advice anyway unless he’s already asked for it.

DrSharonSaline My ex-husband has ruined his relationship w/our only son bc he criticized him so much growing up by constantly comparing him to kids his age & the sad thing is, he too has ADHD! My son is now 19 & barely speaks to his dad I 🙏🏽 for them both bc they both hurt 😢

DrSharonSaline I get it. Sometimes, I really think that my ex doesn't think that ADHD exists at all and he doesn't even try to understand our 15-year-old daughter. Sometimes, I really wonder if he even loves her. I know. That's sad

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