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Experts Concerned Pale Russian Mystic Constantly At Trump’s Side May Attempt To Influence 2020 Election

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WASHINGTON—Increasingly troubled about the role the self-proclaimed visionary and healer might play in the presidential race, intelligence experts expressed concerns Friday that Volokov Molchalin, the pale Russian mystic constantly at President Donald Trump’s side, may attempt to influence the 2020 election. “While we’re unsure exactly what Volokov is whispering into Trump’s ear—or if it’s a known language at all—and it’s the consensus of the intelligence community that he likely intends to meddle in the upcoming election, perhaps by using his self-professed hypnotic powers to sway the American public,” said National Intelligence Director Joseph Maguire, noting that the long-bearded Eastern Orthodox prophet had enjoyed unprecedented access to the Oval Office since laying his hands on the president’s thigh in early June and allegedly curing him of an internal hemorrhage. “What’s more unsettling is that Volokov has only grown more brazen in his attempts to alter the president’s behavior, encouraging Trump to purify himself by self-flagellating, filling the West Wing with frankincense, or repeating occult incantations until his eyes roll back in a mystical trance. We’ve also received reports that Volokov can read minds, which would obviously make any counterintelligence efforts difficult, if not impossible.” At press time, terrified officials had escalated their warnings after a failed assassination attempt in which repeated stabbings, a gunshot wound to the head, and an apparent drowning in the freezing Potomac River failed to end the Russian mystic’s life.

 

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Ra Ra Rasputin! Disputing the great vote put in!

Vodka sipping intensifies

Rasputin!!

R-Rasputin? That you?

Mystic dude is hard to kill too.

Looks like Jack dorsey

Let’s see now- - the elections over , Biden won , the guys a Russian hummm

RA RA RASPUTIN, LOVER OF THE RUSSIAN QUEEN, THERE WAS A CAT THAT REALLY WAS GONE

🤣🤣

Hey Marcus!

DUGIN

Are you disputin' Rasputin? 😉

Ok this is very clever.

harryhol

Oh god he’s back

Is that Dr Harold Bornstein?

Rasputin

Would be better than Giuliani's 'advice,' tbh

YeoPsmith 👏👏👏 🥁🥁 🥁🥁 👏👏👏

I bet is glad to see Trump go. He's was constantly outdoing anything they could come up with! LOL! 😂 And he was cranking out more stuff than you can shake a stick at!! (my dad's phase)

There lived a certain man in Russia long ago

His name is Steve Banon.

He may be showing a bit to much interest in Mr Trump's wife too.

Boney M never did a song about Rudy Giuliani though.

😂🤣🤣

Mi boy Rasputin?

PhilRobertson finally made to the white house?

Nice try...Rasputin was not a Trump ally...

Rasputin

Isaacbmarshall Rasputin

Trump insists the guy's Ukrainian.

Ra-Ra Rasputin

Rasputin returns

😂

I saw a guy that looked like this retrieving used hamburders from the trash at Burder King. No! The other guy!

isn't that Slartibartfast?

Okay, I think I know this guy. We need to get some extremely dedicated assassins, as in, they set out to kill the guy, but when it comes to deciding which specific weapon or trap to choose, they will all get excited and say 'let's do all of them, like, at once! Can we do that?'

Bulletin: Putin wants him back & has no idea how his American Pet stole him, though the last time GOP members of Congress were in Moscow, the cabal was overheard chanting & then the mystic was gone. Putin plans to steal him back leaving the Americans to go on another Witch hunt!

Heard he's the lover of the Russian queen

Maybe he can help manage Don Jr’s inability to clot stupid thoughts from hemorrhaging out of his mouth

otherhalfpod

Prefer this new guy to Miller any day.

Thats an alien👽

Dang either it's either Rasputin back from the dead or Svengali. Damn that's it. Trump 2020! Believe it people.

SovietSergey Ivanka lurks everywhere

SovietSergey I don't know about Russian mystics but there are reports Trump spends a lot of alone time with his blonde crazy religious advisor lady.

Oh damn, someone should poison him! I hope it works.

✡️ He's not a Russian, I believe that is God looking over his shoulder. 🙏✝️

the donald already knows who he’s voting for

Just don’t try and kill him

Oh, oh! I know how this one ends! Yay!

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