TSUMEB, NAMIBIA—Acknowledging that, all things considered, he was “pretty happy” with his life, a local black rhinoceros told reporters Monday that if he had one wish, it would be that his distinctive horn was not capable of rendering human beings immortal.
“Look, I’m not typically one for complaining, but I will admit it’s kind of a shame that my horn, when extracted from my face, ground up, and ingested, immediately cures any human illness,” said the critically endangered animal, lamenting the fact that his species’ defining facial feature remains the most potent and effective treatment for cancer, fever, arthritis, mental illness, and dozens of other diseases that afflict mankind.
And that then he could live.
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Just sit and spin.
Rhino also wishes other animals in the kingdom would stop calling him Gandalf
If I were an endangered rhino I would simply detach my horn and sell it on eBay
The grind goes on forever
Or give them erections.
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