Use the same tactics on your spouse — but be a lot more frank and honest. First, you need to make sure they understand about emotional hyperarousal and rejection sensitivity. It can be a lot to take in, so give them some good articles to read, and make sure you arm yourself with specific examples from your life. “Remember the time I...” is a good way to start a conversation. That way they can see real-life instances wherein your ADHD has caused you to do, say, think, and act certain ways.
Yes, you might feel like you’re talking out of a self-help book. But when another person verbally assures you that they didn’t mean to make you feel like a horrible person, you’ll feel a lot better. Much better than if you miserably clam up or lash out.Emotional hyperarousal? That’s a roller coaster we can’t get off. Psychologically and neurologically, we are just not fully in charge. But we can learn to recognize when our emotions are running haywire .
You can learn to accept that your emotions are running wild, that the running wild is valid and okay and acceptable — not somehow wrong or bad. And that you are not wrong or bad for feeling them. Only then can you try to control how you react to those emotions. You might not be able to stop crying in the Target checkout line. But you might be able to see more clearly that the problem is temporary, and assure your kids that everything will be okay.
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