? Did I have a personality or a mood disorder? Or maybe I was just sad and anxious? I kept ADHD at the back of my mind, but I didn’t even begin to relate it to my ongoing struggles.
I swallowed these questions whole because I was still foolishly ambitious and felt optimistic about college. I grossly overestimated what I was capable of handling in college. I enrolled in the honors college at my university and tried double majoring in English and Physics — all while pursuing my somewhat promising dream of being a successful musician. I had also entirely underestimated the role my family played in keeping me on track in high school.
The end of my freshman year came to a boiling point when I found myself having to write 10 pages of a 12-page research paper the night before it was due. I created an extremely dangerous strategy to kick my dopamine-starved brain into action; the night before an essay was due, I would sacrifice sleep, drink about seven cups of coffee, and tell myself that I only had two options: finishing the assignment or ending my life.
I’d love to send you a copy of my book for kids. I’d love your thoughts.
I feel that’s what happens when we don’t let ourselves be active, creative, or productive. It becomes palpable like an emotion. Much like emotional dysphoria, we then become destructive, random, and over the top because by now we need release.
Great only I am blocked and all are open friends
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