I’m a dude, age 31. He’s 28. We’ve been together three years, cohabitating for two. I recently asked for his ring size.
His finances: minimal assets, $100K–$150K student debt . Rough upbringing. Previously, income struggles. Lately, $70K-a-year salary, with growth potential. His mom might expect him to care for her one day.Me: grad student, previously high-income, maybe will be again. Living off savings. I haven’t told him how much, just that it’s enough to cover my bills until I work again.
He’s said he’s OK with a prenup specifying that his debts stay with him and any savings that I have left after paying for school stay with me. But he doesn’t know that I have more than $1 million in my brokerage accounts.Should I, and when do I, and how do I, bring this up? There are reasons I’ve stayed quiet about it. I don’t want to be a sole provider, finance our first house alone , or expand our modest lifestyle. I don’t want my money to change things between us.
I would not assume your boyfriend would expect you to be a sole provider, or otherwise expect your roles to change, if he had this information. Between the two of you, he’s the one with the job, so it seems a little presumptuous to take it for granted that if he knew about your money, he’d want you to financially support him. He may in fact find that idea insulting, especially if he put himself through school after what you characterize as a “rough upbringing.
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