Buffalo Police Request Reinforcements Until Elderly-Man Rampages Fully Contained

BUFFALO, NY—Calling the various geriatric protestors the “greatest threat to officers thus far,” the Buffalo Police Department requested reinforcements Friday until the frail elderly men rampaging through their city were fully contained.

“Due to the terrifying influx of senior citizens recklessly hobbling through the streets and shamelessly blocking crosswalks, the Buffalo Police Department has no choice but to ask neighboring law enforcement agencies for immediate, emergency assistance,” said Buffalo Police captain Jeff Rinaldo, who added that the out-of-control elderly men were made even more dangerous because of their hearing loss, making it impossible for many of them to respond to verbal commands. “Do not be fooled.

Rampaging Elderly Men Revealed To Have Been Radicalized By Dangerous Elderly Man Spreading Hate Online

...slow motion rampages make throwing large gladiator style nets over out of control old farts an easy assignment for local fire departments, giving the PD a welcome break...

Oh that’s right. I had completely forgotten that the BPDAlerts broke the skull of an elderly man and then people defended them online saying he was a threat

FAKE! No deaf interpreter. Every podunk town has to have a 'terp shoulder to shoulder with the honcho.

This is not a new problem...

ThatShockratees

Thank You! Needed that laugh 😆

MichaelGreyeyes 😂✌🏼

JordanUhl good one

It's all about the hyphen

LaMesaPD is having a similar problem, but with grandmas.

Popehat Racist thugs

Popehat Almost funny, not funny

Popehat Too soon/accurate

JordanUhl Savage

I honestly thought the quote above was from that Onion article

“Send help, they’re falling over faster than we can shove them!”

He reminds me of Steve Carrel

I just want to thank all you fine folks here for restoring my faith in humanity!

Old man Fake Flopper, Fake Blood

Republican congressmen on their way to Bob Evans at 4pm OldManRampages

genetic_warrior Look out!

Omg!!! You asshats!!! The Onion is freaking sattire!!!!!!!!!🤯🤣

icecube HellNah 😂

wrkarl

kenklippenstein We really don't even need The Onion anymore. The absurdity of real news has already surpassed satire.

BPDAlerts this may be the onion, but, it is pretty close to reality.

If he wasn't asking for it then why was he dressed like that?

JordanUhl

oneunderscore__ 😆😅🤣😂

oneunderscore__ Now do LaMesaPD❗️ JusticeForLeslie

oneunderscore__ TeamElderyManRampage

Congratulations, BPDAlerts. Your officers' actions have turned the police force where my grandfather served his community into an international disgrace and a laughing stock. You deserve it.

🧅= undefeated

In very bad taste, the man was injured for crying out loud

You've got to move up the Early Bird Specials! You just know that nothing good is going to happen with old guys out and about after 6pm!

Y'all are on fire, don't stop now.

at first glance i thought he was holding a tommy gun.. it turns out they were microphones.. had to look twice..

Those geezers have canes filled with nerve gas!

The Onion should post Trump’s Physcial Exam report. No need to change a word.

Worst case of elderly rampaging the streets since the Hell's Grannies in the '70s.

We must dominate the gray menace.

What up, you fascist cowards? BPDAlerts

Go get 'em grandpa!

Serious. Send those green men from DC UP there for the winter...Stalingrad those mofos

JamesonLink

Hahaaa, 'Do not be fooled. While they may appear peaceful, these 75-, 80-, and 90-year-old men are armed with canes that could inflict serious harm, as well as walkers that could be used to bludgeon'

How did you guys gets a hold of Tom Cotton's next op-ed so fast?

Here's how to reach BPDAlerts if anyone has thoughts to share

Oooo too early....

Ahh, the one true voice of reason: The Onion.

What’s wrong with the guy in the very back

roywoodjr Oh we need you now, more than ever!

National fucking treasures. The Onion writers, I mean.

Maybe I should go to Buffalo to reinforce the old men!

Right on!

Every time an elderly man erases a cop an angel gets its wings.

'I felt threatened!' - Cop in full riot gear flanked an entire regiment

Hit them right where it hurts ! Love these!

Bills mafia chucks dildos at Tom Brady every home game and will likely throw the cops that chucked an old man to the ground a parade.

onion never misses

Onion said defund the police

Magnificent

meanwhile: TrumpCowers BunkerBoyTrump 25thAmendmentNow

Here come the “too soon” and this is not satire crowd...

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