WASHINGTON—Privately expressing his relief that the situation was better than it could have been, Rep. Devin Nunes (R-CA) reportedly took a moment Wednesday to reflect that at least the Twitter users he was suing for mocking him didn’t know about his leaking, prolapsed anus. “These people were really mean to me when they were just critiquing my public statements and voting record, so I can just imagine the sort of field day they’d be having if they found out that my rectum is telescoped out past my anus, resulting in a constant flow of fecal matter dribbling down my leg at all times,” thought the congressman, acknowledging that if social media users discovered that he had previously worn a diaper but had stopped because it only ended up overflowing in a matter of hours, he’d likely never hear the end of it. “To be honest, I’m also pretty fortunate that no one has sussed out the fact that the only way for me to achieve sexual satisfaction is to ejaculate into a bowl of clam chowder and feed it to an unwitting victim while filming the whole thing. That would be mighty embarrassing, to say nothing of me owning the country’s largest collection of frozen condoms full of shit. And the worst part is, I’d have no legal standing to sue if any of this came out since all of this is 100% the God’s honest truth.” At press time, Nunes had decided to cheer himself up about his tapeworm-infested scrotum by buying himself a new child bride.Read more: The Onion
You know... I heard that DevinHasALeakingAnus because his only food staple is this: I remember when he was probed by Aliens, they couldn't find the correct size probe and decided to use the King Kong Skull Island version..... Too far, Onion thank you the onion Didn't know but not surprised There needs to be a Congressional probe into DevinNunes anus to find out if DevinHasALeakingAnus . For the sake of our democracy!
I contacted Eric the Midget last night through my Quija board and he told me that his “ Anus had been pounded for hours by wrestler Bam Bam Bigelow “ and that girls in purgatory “ Weren’t cute at all” he may be dead but he still loves POON! Salute to you my little friend !!! DevinHasALeakingAnus *narrator’s voice* “They do.”
Lawsuit coming! I just gagged
Southwest pilots sue Boeing for $100 million over lost wages from 737 MAXSouthwest's pilots union has filed a lawsuit against Boeing for $100 million over lost wages from the grounding of 737 MAX jets in the wake of two crashes and a myriad of safety issues. APFAunity we should be doing this! Yeah well, SouthwestAir lied to me when they said I wouldn’t be arrested for getting “too drunk” during a flight to STL. But that was a load of bologna. Good. Boeing will never change if they aren't held to account for ALL the damage they've caused.
DevinCow DevinNunesAnusGate Tick tock DevinCow DevinHasALeakingAnus DevinNunes This is the face of a man who is realizing that no matter what the outcome of his trial, he will forever be known as the fool who is suing a fake cow for hurting his feewings by making fun of him. DevinNunes Nunes has big Santorum energy.
DevinNunes DevinNunes is such a joke. DevinNunes Lol. The imagery is unpalatable. DevinNunes This is the proper tactic in dealing with this shithead
NYC files federal lawsuit accusing 22 online sellers of targeting young with flavored e-cigarettesNYC has filed a lawsuit accusing 22 online sellers of flavored e-cigarettes of illegally selling to minors, targeting young people via social media, and luring them with flavors such as 'Lemon Twist,' 'Freddy's Pebbles' and 'Whipped Salted Caramel' They're awful smelly things. Why do they need to billow out so much pollution 🤮 But shooting up schools and murdering innocent people gets no mention 😩 This lawsuit is sponsored by your friends along the Tobacco Road; The ones who are terrified that e-vape technology is going to interfere with cigarette profits. This should set the Vape Industry back just long enough to sell a few more cartons in the US. There's always China.
DevinNunes I guess you could say Devin Nunes is a lot like China with Hong Kong. DevinNunes You guys, don't tell everyone I leak. It's embarrassing! ImTheWhiteHouseLeaker DevinNunes WE KNOW NOW!!! PREPARE TO GET TOTALLY REEMED!!!! JoshuaHol DevinNunes Wow! Real hardcore 'quote' You might be a-going to twitter jail!
DevinNunes LoL DevinHasALeakingAnus DevinNunes I love this part of Twitter so much right now DevinNunes I heard DevinHasALeakingAnus so I just came here to make sure what I heard about DevinHasALeakingAnus is true. And sure enough it’s confirmed that DevinHasALeakingAnus. DevinNunes DevinNunes DevinNunes wanted me to tell you he thinks you're mean.
DevinNunes People need to stop retweeting DevinHasALeakingAnus There’s no need to start trending DevinHasALeakingAnus It’s a tragedy and a private matter. So please leave DevinHasALeakingAnus alone.
Roxodus Organizers Allegedly Misappropriated $3.8M From Eventbrite for Failed Festival's Customer RefundsEventbrite has filed two lawsuits in California against organizers of the failed Roxodus music festival, which went belly up in July and filed for bankruptcy weeks later.
DevinNunes Are you guys trying to be more edgy now that TheBabylonBee has surpassed you in producing quality satire? DevinNunes Priceless! DevinNunes KCPForPrez elfishpresleyy devinnunessucks DevinNunes RepDevinNunes DevinNunes DevinNunes I hope there will be more updates on Devin's diaper delirium soon
DevinNunes ROFLMAO DevinNunes DevinNunes Whoa. How now brown cow? DevinNunes They do know, they were just being nice DevinNunes The weirdest part about the clam chowder bit is that it is Manhattan Clam Chowder. Someone’s going to find out since the color’s all wrong. Right RepDevinNunes?
Lil Peep's Mother Sues Late Rapper's Management Team Over 2017 DeathLil Peep's mother, Liza Womack, filed a lawsuit on Monday (Oct. 7) against her son's former management team for negligence, breach of contract, and wrongful death, according to a complaint obtained by Billboard. tf they aint control the pills he took Who? How bout the tattoo parlor as well?
DevinNunes oh man the discovery in whatever idiot lawsuit this moron brings against the onion is going to be disgusting DevinNunes DevinNunes DISGUSTED in DevinNunes’s “gutter politics.” DevinNunes Don't worry Devin, they'll never find out. DevinNunes not your best work tbh DevinNunes Dudes. The TDS is showing a little. Not cool.
DevinNunes Haha did you see this one DevinNunes? How is your cow doing? coton_luver DevinNunes Pretty sure we can smell that one DevinNunes You need to go. DevinNunes Go get him The Onion! Keep it up.
The Story Behind Harry, Meghan, and the Royal Fight for PrivacyThe Sussexes have filed lawsuits against three U.K. publications. Here is what you need to know. Three now? Interesting
DevinNunes Hysterical. Love the way it builds. DevinNunes Try harder, Onion. DevinNunes Just “wow” DevinNunes DevinNunes 😂❤️😂❤️😂❤️😂❤️ DevinNunes Make sure you tag DevinNunes DevinNunes Jesus Christ... lmao DevinNunes Jesus DevinNunes 😂😂😂😂 probably all true regardless DevinNunes
Lana Del Rey Performed ‘Diamonds & Rust’ with Joan BaezGreenwich Village folk icon also performed “Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright” solo The Judas Priest song? 'Diamonds & Rust' is a song written, composed, and performed by Joan Baez. It was written in November 1974 and released in 1975. Judas Priest did it better
DevinNunes DevinNunes This is a good one. DevinNunes Was he on Fox earlier? DevinNunes DevinNunes DevinCow DevinNunes Uh oh, sounds like free speech fan, DevinNunes is about to open a new lawsuit. Satire is obviously libel- public figures need protection 😭💔 DevinCow DevinNunes Prolapsed anus? If only Devin were that interesting.
DevinNunes Lmao Mobute DevinNunes onion is not playing around. DevinNunes Every sentence of this article is hilarious: “he owns the largest collection of frozen condoms full of shit.”
DevinNunes Here for this. ca11mebucknasty DevinNunes Moooving article. DevinNunes who cares it’s the onion. 🤣🤣 DevinNunes DevinNunes Thank you, onion. I needed this today! 😂 AndyRichter DevinNunes BREAKING: Devin Nunes to sue for using an unauthorized photo of his leaking, prolapsed anus. DevinNunes 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂BRILLIANT!!!!!😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
AndyRichter DevinNunes AndyRichter DevinNunes I’ve been wondering why his nickname is Wizard Sleeve AndyRichter DevinNunes Watch him sue his doctor now for HIPPA violation directly due to this article. Just because keeps publishing things that turn into real news.
DevinNunes The bloating in his ugly face is from all that constipation thinking about his future prison terms. DevinNunes Prolapsed anuses are better than amateurlapsed. DevinNunes Thank you for this. omg😆 DevinCow DevinNunes ‘At Least They Don’t Know About My Leaking, Prolapsed Anus’ - of course we knew it’s written all over his face.
DevinNunes 'D'oh! Did I say that out loud again?' Yeah, Devin, ya did... DevinNunes What does his wife have to do with this? DevinNunes Hahaha! DevinNunes Lawsuit in 3... 2...1... DevinNunes Moo
DevinNunes you guys used to be funny DevinNunes DevinNunes Aww DevinCow DevinNunes theScantman DevinNunes Tis wicked to mock the afflicted. DevinNunes Same thing happens to me. After too many onions. DevinNunes DevinCow re-BUTT-al? Ha ha ha that is epic about DevinNunes DevinNunes I'd rather never think about this again
DevinNunes I love stories that mock Devin Nunes!