Ask Amy: We had talked about marriage, and then he sprung this on me

Ask Amy: My boyfriend’s dad won’t pay me for the mistakes he madeWe have been talking about getting married. He has never been married before , and I am gun-shy, to say the least.Last week Ben took me out for a drink. He said he had something important to tell me. He confessed that he is almost $20,000 in debt. He said he is trying hard to clear his debt, but he isn’t making much progress.

I feel extremely uncomfortable now. I am wondering if Ben expects me to clear his debt by using some of the equity in my house. He didn’t ask me anything specific and I’m not sure how to feel or how to react to this.: Are you prepared to be a parent to Ben, as well as to your son? Because his choice to lay this on you without a specific plan of action seems to be a bid for you to take this on.

Do not marry, commingle your finances or bail him out. He needs to demonstrate a concerted commitment to clear this debt on his own. He is an adult single man with no people to support. He could clear this in under two years, but it would require that he make some big changes.: My husband and I have a 4-year-old son, and I am pregnant with our second child, due in two months.

Your son is also experiencing your pregnancy as a child will – with a combination of anxiety and excitement. You can expect him to possibly regress a bit before and after his sibling’s birth.

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