Ask Amy: I can’t get over what I saw my husband doing

I have always thought we were “meant to be.” We have lots of mutual interests; we laugh, we talk when there is a problem, and we don’t keep secrets.

Finally, I talked and was crying and told him how terribly hurt I was. He said he wouldn’t do it anymore. I asked how long he had been doing this, and he said for a few years.The reason your husband kept this a secret is because he knew how you would react, and he didn’t want to cope with your emotions and feelings of betrayal. I strongly suspect that he loves and values you, and he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.

The caterer is delivering dinner to our venue in the form of buffet-style trays. My plan was to have everyone serve themselves.My fiancé’s mother, citing concerns about COVID, strongly feels that we should have someone standing behind the food to serve people. If I thought my future mother-in-law was wrong, I would simply tell her. Instead, I see a good idea with no clear way to execute it.I agree with your future mother-in-law that it is a good idea to have someone on the other side of the buffet line, helping to serve and perhaps removing the serving dishes and putting out the cake afterward.

It sounds as if you have a helpful and hands-on family and friend group. You could also accept their help – perhaps in shifts. This is a communal celebration meal, and for many people, helping to serve would be an honor.

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