Ask Amy: Family secrets create a wedge between siblings

That same brother told me that our other brother is involved in drugs. He said that information had to stay between us.

I don’t live in the same area as my family, so that’s helped me with keeping physical space. I’ve also learned the art of setting boundaries — re: being seen as a confession booth. If your folks ask why you don’t want to attend a family gathering, you could truthfully tell them that you find the overall family dynamic of whistling past any personal challenges and issues exhausting, because you would like to be able to communicate about these things.

I’m not suggesting that you should turn around and blow the lid off his personal business, but if he ghosts you over this, then so be it. We feel disappointed and think we shouldn’t put so much effort into future gifts for them. Are we overthinking this, and their response to us?Dear Hurt: If you want to give thoughtful and elaborate gifts, then you should do so only to express your own creative and generous spirit. The fact that these gifts are not reciprocated or appreciated makes you feel unhappy and out of balance, so yes — rachet down your giving and focus on the experiences you share.

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