Ask Amy: Family secrets create a wedge between siblings

A couple of years ago one of my brothers, who has had a checkered past, fathered a child that he hasn’t acknowledged to our parents.

I tried broaching a talk with my brother regarding the child and was ghosted until he felt confident that I wouldn’t say anything to our parents.My parents said they didn’t want to know anything that was going to cause tension in the family, and I wonder if they think ignorance is bliss? I also am just not comfortable at family gatherings lately, as I feel like I’m acting or performing. Is there a way I can handle how grating this is?If you don’t want to visit your parents because the web of secrets you’ve been exposed to makes you an unwilling participant, then maybe you should call a temporary “time out” and not visit for a while.

You should also convey directly to your brother in clear language that you will not be his secret-keeper because it puts you in the terrible position of lying by omission. We have put a lot of thought and money into the gifts we have given them over the years – at Christmastime, and for their wedding.Regardless, we always thank them, but they never thank us for the gifts we’ve given them.

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