, anxiety, and frustration because I know I am now late and I am white-knuckling it all the way. This feels very uncomfortable in my body, and the stress from this behavior choice lingers long after I arrive late to my appointment.”Once you identify what isn’t working for you, see where you might need to create a “hard stop” for disengaging from unhelpful behaviors.
For example, if you want to go to bed by 10:30 and you know you get caught in TV shows that are hard to disconnect from, decide exactly what and how much you are going to watchyou sit down and turn the TV on. Figure out when you need to stop in order to give yourself enough time to unwind and get ready for bed. Set an alarm for the time you decide the TV will be turned off.
For example, instead of focusing on “I have to turn the TV off at 10:00” focus on the fact that “I get to have a good night’s sleep tonight, give my body the rest it needs, and be my best self tomorrow.” Doing this helps to build in a natural reward for yourself. Think of this like a parent lovingly holding a child’s well-being in mind when it sets a clear boundary: “I know you really want to play outside now, but we are going to stay inside because there is lightning right now and it is not safe outdoors.” This might mean that the parent needs to be willing to tolerate the child’s upset in the service of what they know is best for the child. This too can be done firmly but lovingly.
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